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You might not like my answer
You might not like my answer Me: How are you? Megan: I'm a wreck as usual. I called in sick. Dan is freaking out because I'm refusing a hand holder today. He's having a total mental breakdown, depression mixed with stress from me. It's really really hard to have Dan freaking out right now. Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Megan: I feel like I should be trying to figure out some kind of action to take. Me: How so? Megan: Part of my self preservation stuff is thinking of a plan for almost any situation. I'm having a hard time deciding what I would do if Dan's insecurities win and he wants to go back to monogamy. Me: Ya. That would be a tough one. Megan: Part of me is horribly selfish. Me: Part of every human being is horribly selfish. Megan: Do you think I'm a bad wife for thinking like this? Me: Not one bit. And you shouldn't be ashamed of your thoughts. Megan: I'm doubting everything right now. I'm not really sure deep down what I really feel and what is just me being reactive to other people. A lot of times I feel like things would be so much easier if I lived alone. Me: You should listen to what's going on in your head and your life. It doesn't necessarily mean you should leave. Megan: Have you ever found someone else more attractive than you do Tricia? Me: Yes. My affair. Since then, my thinking has changed to what she can offer me. And what all of my relationships can offer me. Like, everyone adds something. Megan: I've got a couple questions that have popped into my head but I'm totally sure they really will scare you away. Me: Let's hear em. Megan: Well, um... I think a lot. And I play out a lot of possible scenarios in my head. And I've thought about taking a break from Dan and spending more time with you. I have had thoughts that we could be happy together. Happier than we are in our current relationships, as a primary couple. So I guess the question part of that is what do you think about that, and how much does it freak you out? Me: It doesn't freak me out, but you might not like my answer. Megan: Hit me. Me: It would feel like I'm responsible for someone else's marriage going south. And I don't think I could support that. Megan: Well yeah, cuz you're happy and secure, lol Me: Yes, and it's a happiness I worked hard for. Megan: I hope I didn't freak you out too bad. I don't think that I actually want to run away with you. I'm just unhappy in my current situation, you make me happy, and my crazy brain is searching for ways to run away and feel better. |
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That exchange pretty much confirmed one of the things I've observed in my 13-plus years here, which is that many, if not most (though not all) open-relationship/swinging/poly couples have at least one party who is simply unhappy in the relationship AND ready to leave as soon as a new primary partner becomes available. Dan's "insecurities" are justified, his wife is unhappy, wants to screw other men, and is ready to leave him if the right guy comes along. IMO you wouldn't be responsible for their marriage going south. It's already there. It's just less painful for her to stay with him right now than it is to leave. So her marriage is either going to have to get worse (at least the way she perceives it) or she'll find someone else to fall in love with who will take care of her needs (whether those are financial or just emotional). Seen it play out so many times, it's a cliche.
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I haven't read all your posts yet...but so far several on Megan. From the stand point of my real life job...she needs serious help for her anxiety and depression. It's great she's seeing a therapist, but is she refusing all medication? I realize no one wants to be on meds, and different ones have different side effects. She should keep trying to find the one that best works for her. It's scary that she admits she needs a "babysitter" but then acts relatively normal. She's covering so you don't see the real emotional mess she's in. also...something to be very aware of....If she suddenly has a VERY GOOD day. (like night and day difference) It can be a sign that she has made a plan to harm herself. If that happens do NOT let her be alone. Oh...and she wants to have children? Just my opinion here, but, I can't imagine bringing a child into the mix with her instability. I can relate a bit to her. I live in the midwest also. We don't get enough sunlight and it affected my vitamin D level. My Dr had said it was the lowest level she had ever seen...almost nonexistant. So, my Dr put me on massive amounts of vitamin D. I think it took almost a year to get back to normal. And in that time of low vitamin D, I got extremely depressed. Was not handling even small amounts of stress, and was easily agitated. My Dr put me on meds too. Nothing seemed to work, One day I was eating some pineapple, It was fresh and I was cutting off pieces as I went. Then, out of nowhere, I had the urge to take the knife and cut my throat. Needless to say, I called my Dr and she changed my script. Eventually, my "D" level improved and I weened myself off the meds. I am fine now, but low "D" levels can put you into depression. Robin WIlliams dies and everyone is up in arms about the stigma of mental health issues. It's been a while now, but that discussion is gone again. I have had people tell me they think depression isn't real, that it's all a state of mind. And that if you want to be happy, then you will be. Morons!!! Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now....just be very watchful of Megan. She is lucky to have great people such as her husband and yourself to be there for her. Hugs.... I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS!! (MY LIFE'S PHILOSOPHY)
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