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Backstory  

67Mags 57M
0 posts
1/2/2021 4:35 am
Backstory


Huh, guess this is where I can add a bit in case someone actually gives a shit enough read. Shy guy, never really fit in, was the goofy friend, never the romantic interest. Then I met a beautiful woman via a blind date set by some meddling moms. Fell head over heels. And I was shocked she was more than a little interested in me. Married her. Things were rough, but when isn't it for a young couple just starting out? She was a little the prudish side as far as experimenting, but we had a love life. was good.

Then she got pregnant. the mood swings were more than just pregnancy could account for. After our was born, the depression was the point she was suicidal. And it lasted. For years. Eventually she was (mis)diagnosed with depression. Did everything I could help. Ended switching her doc when our health care switched. He was appalled she was listed as depressive, she was severe bipolar II. Switched meds and things calmed down and almost became normal. Except the new meds 0% killed her libido. But she was alive. Not actively trying kill herself a regular basis, I was willing deal with no intimacy if she was smiling and giving a kiss each night before bed. Lived like that for a couple more years.

But along I missed the intimacy. the feeling of being wanted for more than just emotional support and a paycheck. My eyes would wander, but my heart never did. I knew if I did anything more than think "pretty eyes" or "nice butt", if I made any sot of straying, her bipolar would cause her end her life, and I could not bear think about being the cause of that.

Then mid 2020, she got sick. Lost her job, and couldn't recover her health. After much pleading, I finally got her go be seen, but by then, it was too late. 29 days later, I lost her to multiple stage IV cancers.

I fought for over 20 years to keep her alive. Never considered I would loose. Especially like this. No idea if I will be able to recover properly to be in a proper "normal" relationship. But I do know that decades of lacklaster, if any, intimacy has taken a toll on me. And I want address that. Soon. Try new things. Regain, or build some sort of confidence that I can I be a proper man in some lady's life. then I can wrap my head around what I've done with my life up this point.

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