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Culture of Discontent  

EnigmaInitiative 54F  
3099 posts
1/9/2022 6:31 am
Culture of Discontent



Will be continued in first comment because of the grammar gremlins.

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


EnigmaInitiative 54F  
6054 posts
1/9/2022 6:32 am

Once upon a time there was a website created with the intention of bringing people together. In the beginning, it was fun, exciting, and many people were connecting. Years later, it became a dumpster fire of division and derision. That website is [insert any number of sites here].

It's true, if you look anywhere, on any site, there are people who are fed up with the way a website is working; how it is or isn't being moderated; and with other users in general. I have yet to find a “social” website where there isn't infighting, commentary, and/or death threats.

Look, here we are on a sexually focused website, and there's a simmering war that's been going on in the blogs for as long as I can remember. I'm not going to name names, though I will say that I have chosen sides. If you're in the know, you know, if you're not....it's not up to me to tell you.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go into a political diatribe about it. US politics, nor BBWMatchMate politics. (Sorry other countries, I know jack all about your political organizations because I'm an American who grew up in one of the worst education systems inside one of the wealthiest nations in the world. [Oh the irony] There's just too much to learn and not enough time to learn it all fast enough for some people.). Neither, am I going to denigrate the very real harm that can and has happened as a result of these “wars”.

I have no other social media. Well, unless you count youtube, but I really wouldn't call what I'm doing there social. Nope, I use it to learn new things, and spend no time...not even a second in the comments of any video. This is my one outlet to reach out to people, outside of the bubble I've created fulfilling my purpose of feeding and loving as many cats as I can.

When Nick and I first started our non profit, I came on this website talking about the good we hoped to impart upon the world feeding and helping the homeless population. Then, life got in the way. The homeless encampment was moved by the police, the homeless man we had moved into our house broke his leg; and I was hacked and defrauded. With that, I being the socially awkward person with complex post traumatic stress disorder that I am, shifted my thinking to one caring for the homeless population of cats.

Look, people scare me. History and the anonymity of the internet has taught me that people are cruel. Not everyone, of course, but too many are quick to insult or jab just because they want to be right or seen as smart, or whatever excuse they come up with doing the things they do. And, I'm not immune to this, I've said some things on the internet that I'm not proud of today. I've never issued death threats, but I've been a downright bitch to dudebros in my inbox pushing their penis upon me through profile pics petitioning for sex.

(You all don't know how much I love the alliteration of that last phrase.)

In fact, there's a person here whom I thought was my friend used a metaphor I thought I understood. Then, when I countered with my own metaphor, they decided to use my lack of knowledge as a gotcha moment. Like, I'm sorry I didn't pick up on every little nuance of your metaphor that was obviously off the mark based on recent updates.

Their “gotcha”, it hurt. A lot.

Do I think what they did was bullying? No, but that didn't change the feelings it created inside me.

What did I do?

Back away from the conversation as gracefully as possible.

Do I hate this blogger?

No, I don't typically harbor hate

Do I still feel as though this blogger is a friend?

No

Does that mean I'll start being mean to them all over the website?

No, that's what bullies do. And, I'm not going to contribute to the culture of discontent between bloggers that's already brewing here.

So, look, the point of this whole thing I've written here is that sometimes, it's just best to walk away.

Happy Sunday all

And, thanks for reading.

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


SweettLadyy 42F

1/9/2022 6:59 am

Interesting


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:44 am:
Thanks

justskin1 70M  
13175 posts
1/9/2022 7:05 am

I never have been able to figure people who enjoy stirring up trouble or causing people hurt. I suspect for many it is the only way they can feel any sense of power. The power to hurt. Sad isn't it.
I cannot say I have not hurt others but I try not to do it with intent or out of reflex as I am sure you also try to avoid doing. As for the wars and sniping on here I try to ignore them completely.
Big hugs to you and may you have a good day.

If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin."

I always behave. Preferably not well.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:47 am:
Thanks justskin. It's difficult to avoid the sniping when it's aimed at you, but for the most part I do try to stay out of things.

I do my best not to hurt people, though I know I've said and done things that have inadvertently done just that. And, I accept responsibility for creating that hurt when told about it.

Hugs, have a great day

CleavageFan4U 65M  
69374 posts
1/9/2022 7:05 am

You had me spitting coffee with that "[insert any number of sites here]"! But I'll have to take your word for it, since social media-wise, this is pretty much it for me.

Well actually, I did relent and join FB a while back since that is where the photography club interacts the most. But the few pages I follow there are rather strict about being ONLY about photography and ONLY positive remarks.

I ALWAYS Miss Out on this Stuff
The End of the Crackberry
NYE Booze, on HNW
[post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:48 am:
I can't say that I've been on every single site out there, but the majority are definitely filled with all kinds of conflict.

It's cool you have a place to go that isn't filled with bullshit.

redrockrascal 63M  
23580 posts
1/9/2022 7:10 am

Amen, you preach sista EI.

Back in 2016 or so this place took a grand dump on itself over a female blogger who dared to talk about facts (of life and other-wise). Since then these here blogs took a slide.

As far as "social"-media in general is concerned it is a deal that is failing to recognize that is has failed at being social. It is in fact ANTI-social-media and that is why I don't participate in it.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:50 am:
Thanks redrock.

I do remember those times, pretty well. It was right about the time I left the site and became a camgirl that it all went down.

It's really done the opposite for a lot of people, that's for sure. Though, I cannot help but be thankful for some of the friendships it has helped cultivate.

redrockrascal 63M  
23580 posts
1/9/2022 7:11 am

P.S. cute pussy there

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:50 am:
It is, isn't it?

lok4fun500 M  
51906 posts
1/9/2022 7:43 am

Well said, EnigmaInitiative.
I won't get involved with any drama here!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:51 am:
I wouldn't say I steer clear of all the drama, I'm more than willing to support a friend whose being bombarded by a bully. But, that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and try to be mean to the bully.

jajo696 67F  
4287 posts
1/9/2022 7:57 am

Completely agree Enig!! I have a story for ya...abt ' simply walking away '...will ya email me plz n thanku....


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:52 am:
I emailed ya here jajo, check your inbox.

pal334 67M  
45821 posts
1/9/2022 8:09 am

So many changes. Some folks just will no help others [/

Please cum visit my blog,,,,,,,,,,,,pal334



EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:52 am:
Too true

SilverFoxMark66 67M  
286 posts
1/9/2022 8:17 am

Amen, well said


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:53 am:
Thanks Mark

spunkycumfun 61M/67F  
41171 posts
1/9/2022 8:41 am

I try to steer well clear of conflict on this site. Blog wars are a massive turn-off!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:54 am:
I don't exactly steer clear of it, though I will not go out of my way to try and hurt someone.

When someone is being bullied, my immediate instinct is to try and support them. What I don't do is go seek out the bully and start something with them.

staci_19702 51T  
3767 posts
1/9/2022 9:22 am

Sorry there was an issue. Wish everyone could get along.
I do admire your maturity!

Have a great day! 💋
Staci


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:55 am:
It's okay, I'll be fine.

I wish for the same, but doubt we're in a place where that's going to happen soon.

Thanks, it's taken a lot of self work to get here.

secret_lade 48F  
9227 posts
1/9/2022 9:24 am

My real life is stressful enough.... This place can sometimes be my escape from that. When it comes to the drama and feuding that I see on here at times, I avoid it like the plague. It's a sad soul who can only find value in themselves by hurting someone else.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 9:56 am:
It is a sad soul who enjoys hurting others.

Fun4u3276 59M

1/9/2022 10:15 am

Our problems here and on other social sites are a reflection of our leadership in many ways. We have become less civilized than generations before us. That isn't to say those generations were all that civilized, but things seem worse--or maybe just more openly vicious. We are taught by the political leaders (take your pick on either side of the aisle) and by the media and Hollywood to not tolerate opposing viewpoints. That gives many, even on here, a feeling of entitlement to verbally assault those we disagree with.
I know of whom you refer to regarding the infighting. I don't take sides as I think both sides might share responsibility, but one side does seem a bit more aggressive.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 12:50 pm:
Ah, I did take sides because one side vitriolically followed me around the blogs to say mean things to me, and the other is kind to me.

Pretty easy to pick a side in my position, wouldn't you say?

citizen4722 64M  
74582 posts
1/9/2022 1:49 pm

Sadly, there are more and more people that will hide behind a screen and deliberately try to make people's lives a misery.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 2:41 pm:
It is a sad thing indeed citizen.

seingalt23 57M  
5565 posts
1/9/2022 1:53 pm

I am sorry about this kind of blog wars - even, if I do not know exactly who is fighting each other.

I try to be very tolerant, but it stops, if someone is not fair or too massive - watching from outside, you never know the complete story, you do not know both sides.
But there are rules, how people should treat each other.

When I was the first time in the USA, I was very surprised about this bipolar system, as in Germany we have many colors, not only two.

Anyway, please stay away from trouble (if it is avoidable), take care of the cats and find some fun here and outside of this platform.

Giacomo


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 2:43 pm:
Oh I jump in to offer support to the one whose bullied, what I don't do is seek out the bully and start being mean to them.

Our system is screwed regardless of what side you're on. They're all about the campaign dollars and nothing in our government has anything to do with the people...regardless of what talking head says what.

I do enjoy my gardening and cats, and even find some fun outside of this place once in a while.

Happy Sunday.

flannel_light 59F  
4586 posts
1/9/2022 2:10 pm

Very well said. I try not to be mean or nasty to others here but it has happened and we both apologized to each other. Life is too short to hold grudges and drama. My life is too busy for any of it.

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 2:44 pm:
The person I'm struggling with has yet to apologize, and I doubt they will. That's fine. I don't have anything to apologize for, in my opinion.

Regardless, no grudge or drama, just going to move on with my day and avoid their blog and them in the blogs.

Hugs

allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
1/9/2022 3:34 pm

[quick breathe in] Awwww, little kitty!

Uhhhhh … “I know jack all about your political organizations because I'm an American who grew up in one of the worst education systems inside one of the wealthiest nations in the world.” That made me snort aloud. As someone from the country to the north, from years of viewing our friends to the south, I am laughing … (importantly) not at you, but with you. I evaluate a country by how it deals with education and healthcare. Weirdly, considering the prosperity of the U.S., there is a heavy skewing of those realms, which results in systems which don’t seem like they benefit the entire nation, as a whole, as much as they could.

There’s the species we believe we are, and then there’s who we actually are. Social media isn’t an expression of what we aspire to be, most of the time, but more a reflection of our truer selves. That ignores, of course, what the intentions of sites’ owners/managers are. I try not to be too cynical, but, well, “it’s tough out there”, a fair-bit of the time.

Another challenge is that 55% of communication is non-verbal, and another 18% (if I remember correctly) is peri-verbal. So, there’s a lot of information missing compared to what we’re used to. Some people do better at working out what’s being communicated from that limited portion. Or, maybe, a bit better at feeling the shape of the missing info? Therefore, it’s a challenge to be entirely certain, so I tend to take an approach where I try to step back a bit before assuming my interpretation of an interaction in the online world is definitely the correct interpretation. In person is both better, and possibly worse?

In the end, you gotta find what makes you happy. Or, not-miserable, at least. Hopefully you can keep finding enough benefit in continuing to participate here. Either way, I’m sure the cats like ya. Or, would notice if you disappeared…

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/9/2022 4:08 pm:
Oh, I get it, our education and healthcare systems are a joke. I'm laughing, probably more in a sardonic way, but laughing at us.

Social media can be a force for good or bad, depends on how you use it.

I suspect many here in the blogs are only here for their own self interest. And, there are those who want it to be a community of like minded individuals.

As for the overlords? Well, they have the mighty dollar in mind. Beyond that, who knows?

Written communication can be seriously challenging, but there are ways to convey your meaning without the body language, tone and pitch. One way is all caps, the other is emojis. If I'm uncertain of what the other person is doing, I usually tend to ask. But, the interaction referred to in my blog was a blatant attempt to "gotcha" me. So, I'll just avoid the blogger's blog and won't interact with them elsewhere, easy peasy.

I have found what makes me happy. Writing, creating, and these cats.

Thanks for the response and have a wonderful day.

I'm not leaving, at least not right now, if things heat up in the so called "blog wars", though, I'll probably take another break.

CedarsPrince 42M  
1608 posts
1/9/2022 7:15 pm

Unfortunately, people suck so it's best to always keep your guard up and walk away from a toxic person/situation


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 5:20 am:
It is most unfortunate and walking way is often the only way to help yourself.

lonlyforlove2 79M  
32704 posts
1/9/2022 7:50 pm

I guess I was out doing something else, missed what happened. Hope you make it through it OK.. The world is a nasty place at times, and has even worse people to show up. I have at least lately tried to just let them woller in their own jealousies . I just got to much on my own plate..Have a nice evening

Stop by at lonlyforlove2
also see Lunch with Lonly , we get snow tomorrow
Check my blog on New Community, "A photo of my big Pecker"
also, " My Sunday afternoon with the kids'


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 5:22 am:
I'm alright, just disillusioned a bit maybe. But, I 'll be fine lonly. I'm a tough old broad.

I do tend to try to allow those who are nasty in general to live in their own corner of the internet, but when they direct something at you it hurts.

pacnwlover42 53M  
9808 posts
1/9/2022 8:57 pm

What is really scary is that many people these days enjoy being cruel and vicious and they don’t care how they affect other people’s lives. I have worked in an outdoor public setting for 17 years and I have been lucky enough to make many people’s lives better just by being kind and funny and understanding. I know this is different than the topic you were talking about, but I wanted to share with you what I’ve done in real life.

Funny women are incredibly sexy!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 5:23 am:
I have no doubt the person who I had the exchange with feels they did nothing wrong. And, that's fine, it just shows me that they're not the person I thought they were.

It's sad there are so many cruel people in this world, emboldened by whatever sense of entitlement they've adopted as their personality.

PonyGirl1965 56F  
22090 posts
1/9/2022 11:10 pm

Lately I feel I know more cruel people than kind people.
Hugs!!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 5:25 am:
Sad, but true, and why I don't have a lot of friends. Sure, I have a close knit circle that I love and adore in real life, but rarely do I open myself up to new friendships because you just don't know what's lurking in peoples' heads until they drop the mask.

author51 59F  
130010 posts
1/9/2022 11:28 pm

Blog wars are needless and so high school my friend, although you know I have been involved in a few skirmishes here over the years. Those here who do not let things go and carry on with them though need to find something better to do. Just walk away as you so wisely put my friend.xoxo


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 5:27 am:
Oh I know you have, and I've been in some skirmishes myself. It is high school and ridiculous, and I wish people would think through what they are writing rather than just jump to be seen as right, smart, whatever their entitled minds come up with.

mc_justmc 62M  
6929 posts
1/10/2022 4:34 am

Considering some of the things I've seen on this site I keep everyone at arms length and do my best to avoid the "wars". Sometimes you can get unexpectedly drawn in.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 5:28 am:
No kidding, I was pulled into my skirmish described above inadvertently. I didn't even think there was animosity, until there was.

chrissy20073 63T
315 posts
1/10/2022 7:42 am

loved your post and agree with all you said I always try and be caring decent person to others sometimes its really hard so many are out there to just try and bring others down cant understand what they achieve by doing this and realize the hurt they cause


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 8:28 am:
Thanks, I do try my best to be kind or at least informative. Sometimes funny, but humor is a little more difficult in written form.

japaneseass 54F  
50231 posts
1/10/2022 12:43 pm

Frankly saying...i am at the point, "Fuck it...Does it really matter?" I have seen enough around here...I just do me... I will do what ever satisfy me, don't give a shit about what others think about me....

But I dig you so much...really...this human behavior, hurting others, saying meaning things on purpose, doing things for themselves without caring about others, really getting sad...why human do that??? We are the most dirty animal, you know? I don't think any other animals would do that...

no wonder why I am on Instagram lately than being on this site, scrolling down all the cat posts I am following...i am so sad, i don't wanna deal with people anymore...not even Face book, they are just as bad, very political.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/10/2022 1:53 pm:
It can become a vicious circle if give in to the temptation to just be mean to one another.

I don't know, hon, my cats can be pretty mean to each other. The two females are like fire and water, and do not get along.

Humans are complex, but they can also be kind.

s2ndegree 63M  
9800 posts
1/19/2022 6:56 am

I think what a lot of people never give much thought to fact that not all of us grew up or with the internet.It really took off in the eighties.I find those who have a completely different culture.I mean when you have eight year old kids telling you what a hot wife is or how they can't wait to get older because they have always liked older women.

Having the opportunity to write a blog,Which was the only reason I joined 6 six or seven years ago.I noticed right off the bat the animosity, of course at that time the site was guaranteeing women's consent.In twenty four hours.Just being a male meant you either thought this was whores R us or were just another candidate for a headfromassectomy.I left these pages shortly after they dismantled the blogging ranking system.I came here with no intention of sending any messages of intent.That was long before I realise a guy over fifty really had no business on the dating Side.
Great post ! Brought back some fond memories and some very familiar faces!

Using more than all the road!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/19/2022 7:29 am:
How you doing s2ndegree, I remember you from the old days.

The internet is the biggest social experiment ever, I'd say we didn't fair very well. But, then, relatively speaking it's all still so new.

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