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Better Living Thru Hedonism
Ramblings and missives from a middle aged cat lady on the internet.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Im Done
Posted:Jan 16, 2022 6:20 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2022 3:09 pm
The new community is coming and there will be no way to continue blogging on the dating side soon. I know a lot of readers of my blog don't want to go to the community side. But, it is on the horizon, and this side will be shut down. I just don't see the point in delaying the inevitable. I've had a foot in both sides for a bit now, and it's time to just do it and start blogging there full time.

In fact, there's been a blog post over since Friday night when one of my cats died. One that I didn't put on this side at all.

For those who aren't interested in continuing reading and/or blogging on the community side, I'll miss you. I'll continue to check in on this side and respond to those I read on the regular. But, for the most part, if you want to see new content from'll have to follow me over there.

And, if you don't, well, that's your prerogative.

Happy Sunday
Friday Farm Day 5
Posted:Jan 14, 2022 6:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 28, 2022 7:04 am
Good Morning!

First up, the disclaimers:

I don't live on a farm, I like the alliteration of the title.

I grow from seed without the use of pesticides or fertilizers beyond compost with the exception of the Banana, orange tree, and all the berries.

This is my first year growing anything successfully, though I have tried in the past.

I'm in growing zone 9B in Central Florida

First up, I wanted to show you all our Chinese Cabbage, Hilton Greens that are finally starting to head up. It's a Napa type cabbage with mild leaves that is rarely found in the US.

Here you'll see that our passion fruit is climbing up the palm with the use of left over Virginia Creeper from summer. I placed the grate there to get it started, but I'm hoping to take it off once it takes hold of that palm tree.

Next is our banana. Now, I don't know what kind of banana this is because we inherited it from my partner's mother. We shall see when it flowers and the bananas form whether or not they're edible. That white pipe is us using gray water (water from the washing machine) to keep it well watered all year long.

And, finally, I wanted to show you how big our papayas are getting using my hand as scale. Just to let you know, I ate a papaya, threw the seeds on the ground, and covered it in soil. Then, murdered all the extra ones that came up, allowing this one to survive. I'll be interested to see how it tastes as I bought the papaya from the Latin market down the street, and often things you grow from the seeds of produce you buy at the store doesn't come out tasting the same as what you bought because they're hybrids.

I have been putting more stuff in the ground, but they've yet to pop up. I'll show you as the seedlings grow.

Happy Friday Farm Day All!
One Night Stands
Posted:Jan 13, 2022 5:59 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2022 3:20 pm

In CarpeJamie's post ODE to the ONE who got away, he wrote an erotic story about a one-night stand he had, lamenting that he never saw her again. I suggest you read it, it's quite good. He asked a few questions regarding one-night stands, in general. I being the promiscuous little minx that I have been in the past, answered.

In answering, I was frank and didn't expound beyond the questions. Often, I don't know if people want me to go into detail about myself when it's their post. And, then, I get up in my head about it and overthink it to death. Ya know as one does. Regardless, his post inspired this one.

I have had many, many, many one-night stands over the years. Pre-internet, in my thirties, I went to the bar every single Friday and Saturday night and picked up at least one guy per weekend. Shit, I met my third husband this way, but that's another whole story in and of itself.

That's not to mention the countless one-night stands I have had as a direct result of this website. No, seriously, in its heyday, this site was THE place to get laid. Shit, all I had to do is sign in, get on instant messenger, and three hours later be meeting some guy, woman, or couple somewhere to see if we were a fit.

Look, I'm not saying I was safe with my person, nor is it anything I would do today. But, I did it, I accept that I did it, and I'm neither proud nor ashamed. It's just facts. I was once diagnosed with a “sex addiction” by a real ass psychiatrist.

Here's the thing, though, I wasn't fucking around because I had a sex addiction. I was sexing up people because I had a self-esteem issue. I neither liked nor loved myself. I felt a deep, soul-crushing hole in my heart that caused me to reach out to strangers in an attempt to fill the chasm. Of course, I should have sought that from friends and family, but I didn't.

My life, well, shit, everyone's life is complicated and unique. But, I come from a place where my parents passed before I was 21. When they were alive, we moved every three years without fail. I have one sibling who stole an entire insurance benefit and another still heavily involved in hard drugs. I married at 18 to a military man and left everyone and everything I knew to move away to Tennessee, then to Alaska, onto Arizona, and finally, Texas where we divorced when I was 28 after a long separation.

Being a military wife who moved four times in ten years, I didn't make a lot of close friends that I kept in contact with. Just imagine, every time you get close to someone, your spouse gets orders and you have to move all over again and make new friends. And, I just wasn't all that close to my family, go figure.

Whether or not it's easy for people to believe, I'm quite shy. I'm what I call a super introvert. I feel much better being alone than I do in a group of people. People drain me. BUUUUUUUT, when I drink, I become a lot more social. And, I drank a lot in my thirties at these bars to have the courage to talk to the men. (Weird, cuz nowadays I can barely stand the taste of alcohol.)

The internet made it easier to meet people, and I stopped drinking. But, that doesn't mean the one-night stands ended. No, see, the hole in my heart remained, the part of me that was missing, it didn't magically fill up. So, I fucked a lot of people from this website.

CarpeJamie was curious about how it was easy for me to walk away from people, not wondering “what if”. I mean, if my history doesn't answer that question for you, I'll spell it out: I've been trained since childhood to leave or be left. What if is a concept I left behind long ago, what if doesn't solve anything nor answer any question. Because I won't ever know...period. It's impossible to know, so why bother my already ADD addled brain.

I don't ever remember having what I'd classify as good sex with someone I only knew on a surface level. And, trust, I've had good sex. Mind blowing, amazing, magical, psychedelic, sheet-drenching, erotic, dirty talking sex. Sex I couldn't imagine existing when I was fucking strangers.

Look, my first husband was a virgin when I met him. I was his first, I deflowered that man and taught him the best I could with my limited 18 yr old knowledge. But, the sex wasn't what I'd call amazing. He was the best lover out of the three, though.

That's not to say I didn't have boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances, and the like along the way. Don't get me wrong, my whole life wasn't three marriages and a bunch of one-night stands. I've had varying degrees of relationships with a variety of people. Though, to be clear, this time we're living in now? This is one of the longest I've gone without having sex with another person.

Truth be told, it wasn't until I entered therapy that I got to the root of my issues. Trying to fit my square peg self into the round hole society and my extended family wanted me in didn't help me overcome my self-esteem troubles. It wasn't until I learned to accept myself for who I am that I finally stopped trying to fill that hole in the arms of strangers.

(This is not to say that everyone who has one-night stands has self-esteem issues. I don't know the minds of others, just mine. I can't even say if others are having mind-blowing sex with strangers, I suppose it is possible. This whole post is purely relating to my personal experience only.)

Today, the Debbi that exists in 2022? I'm only interested in fucking those with whom I have a connection, chemistry, good communication, and shared relationship goals. The sex is infinitely better, and there's so much more to talk about during the downtimes. Ya know?

And kink...they gotta be kinky. Cuz, damn, people, life's too short to only do things one way

Have you had a one night stand?

Did you enjoy?

Reposted in first comment cuz glitch gremlins
Happy HNW ~ Winter Apparel
Posted:Jan 12, 2022 4:38 am
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2022 5:45 am
Before I reveal what I've come up with for this weeks' HNW, let me just say that this was a challenge. First, I thought I'd be cheeky and wear some kind of negligee and say, "Well, it's winter attire in Florida". But, then I figured that was just too expected.

I don't own any winter hats, scarves, or gloves. The winter coat that I have on reserve for when I visit Michigan is an ugly chocolate brown number that just didn't fit the aesthetic I was going for.

I was thankful Florida's weather cooperated somewhat (53F/12C) last night for this scene, though I was still ROASTING and ready to put out the fire almost immediately.

What? Sweaters ARE winter attire.

Happy HNW All!
Court of BBWMatchMate Opinion 4
Posted:Jan 11, 2022 6:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2022 12:16 pm

Good Morning All!

In our first Court of AFF Opinion

Out of 545 Votes

478 say Toilet paper goes Over
67 says it goes Under

Court of AFF Opinion 2

Out of 308 Votes

168 say pineapple belongs on pizza
98 say ewwww gross
42 never tried it

[post 4433139]

Out of 144 Votes:

62 Say a Hot IS a sandwich,
82 say it is Not a sandwich

You know, I was going to leave out the this is supposed to be fun disclaimer this time, until a killjoy decided to answer a fun little poll with insults on entire groups of people.

He was blocked, don't be like numbnuts.

Now, onto this weeks poll about things that do not matter.

Steve Wilhite created the first GIF in 1987.

How do you pronounce GIF?

Hard G, as in Giggles
Soft G, as in Jiggles
31 Comments , 93 votes
Court of BBWMatchMate Opinion 4
Posted:Jan 11, 2022 6:16 am
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2023 10:38 pm

Good Morning All!

In our first Court of AFF Opinion

Out of 545 Votes

478 say Toilet paper goes Over
67 says it goes Under

Court of AFF Opinion 2

Out of 308 Votes

168 say pineapple belongs on pizza
98 say ewwww gross
42 never tried it

[post 4433139]

Out of 144 Votes:

62 Say a Hot IS a sandwich,
82 say it is Not a sandwich

You know, I was going to leave out the this is supposed to be fun disclaimer this time, until a killjoy decided to answer a fun little poll with insults on entire groups of people.

He was blocked, don't be like numbnuts.

Now, onto this weeks poll about things that do not matter.

Steve Wilhite created the first GIF in 1987.

How do you pronounce GIF?



Hard G, as in Giggles
Soft G, as in Jiggles
0 Comments , 2 votes
Culture of Discontent
Posted:Jan 9, 2022 6:31 am
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2022 9:36 am

Will be continued in first comment because of the grammar gremlins.
Friday Farm Day 4
Posted:Jan 7, 2022 5:58 am
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2022 1:54 pm
Friday Farm Day
Friday Farm Day 2
Friday Farm Day 3

Happy Friday Farm Day all!

First, disclaimers as per my usual:

I do not live on a farm, I just like the alliteration of the title.

I grow everything from seed with the exception of some berries, banana, and orange tree. I'm growing organic, without the use of pesticides or fertilizer beyond compost.

This is my first year growing food, or anything really, successfully.

I am in growing/hardiness zone 9B

If you look up hardiness zones in your area on a search engine, it will be easy to find yours. You're going to need this information if you want to grow anything outside in your area. The United States, Canada, and the U.K. provide easy to read hardiness/growing zone maps. These indicate where a plant is capable of growing by providing the lowest minimum temperature a plant can withstand.

First up, I wanted to show you the bane of my existence, the ducks. This is just a few, some days my yard is full

Next is our Spanish Thyme/Cuban Oregano/Indian Borage/French Thyme scientific name: Coleus amboibicus. It is a semi succulent with a pungent oregano like flavor and odor. (In botany, succulent plants, also known as succulents, are plants with parts that are thickened, fleshy, and engorged, usually to retain water in arid climates or soil conditions.) To be honest with you all, I don't enjoy the taste, but I do like the way it looks, especially those purple flowers.

Here you'll see Beni Houshi Mizuna, a newly developed Japanese heirloom with mild, tender leaves atop succulent stems. These stems have the same protective phytonutrients found in blueberries. I've had them in salads, but they are most likely to be found in my morning smoothie.

New Zealand Spinach is a flowering plant in the fig-marigold family. It is a widespread species, native to eastern Asia, Australia, and New Zealand. And, grows pretty well in our backyard. It tastes kinda like spinach, but milder. She's a new seedling, give her time to grow.

That's all the pics of plants I have for you today. However, I did want to talk with you all a little about my practice of composting in place. While I do have a compost pile, in a garbage can drilled with holes, I only use that for when I have spent whole plants and leaves that need time to break down that I don't feel like cutting down myself.

What I typically do is set aside all of my off cuts, peels, and produce that's gone bad in a container that I keep on my counter. Gathering those up, I divvy them up and bury them under where I'm going to plant by digging a hole in the ground, throwing in the off cuts, throwing some soil on top, and planting in that area. Or, if I'm planting I a planter, I put some leaves and other plant matter in the bottom and a few shreds of paper (I usually just use spent toilet paper rolls), soil on top of that and plant.

Additionally, when leaves are spent/brown on a plant, I typically just pull them off and drop them right there. Mother Nature does her thing and breaks it down, feeding the plants around it.

I did the whole compost pile, turning and watering every few days when I first started. That grew old fast in the middle of a Florida summer. So, this method was born out of research and a little trial and error.

There is another method of making homemade compost tea which smells to high heaven, but is greatly enjoyed by my plants. And, that is that I pull up all my weeds, stick them in a container, cover it all in water, and make sure to put a lid on it. Let that sit for a few days and use my watering can to dip into the tea, and water my plants with it.

Oh okay, one more picture just because I'm excited by how many flowers are showing up in my orange tree. It's going to be a stellar year for oranges in this household!

I hope you've enjoyed this slightly educational tour of my garden and gardening practices.

We'll see you next week!
HNW Bubbles and Booze
Posted:Jan 5, 2022 4:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2022 9:28 am
Happy HNW all

I tried, boy oh boy, did I try to get a pic with me blowing a bubble. But, not even one of them looked good. So, yes, I found some program online to add in the bubbles for me.

I'm not really much of a drinker, but I cook with wine. Point being, don't ask me about the wine. I don't know how good it is, it's good enough to cook with and that's all I care about. Mmmmmkay?

Have a Hump Day all!
Court of BBWMatchMate Opinion 3
Posted:Jan 4, 2022 5:12 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2022 12:15 pm

Good Morning all!

In the Inaugural Court of AFF Opinion , the numbers currently stand at 536 Votes

471 Think the Toilet Paper should go over
65 Think it should be under

Court of AFF Opinion 2 at 263 Votes

142 Think Pineapple belongs on pizza
84 Think it's gross
37 Haven't tried it

As a reminder, this is intended to be fun, and I won't be putting up any questions that matter.

This weeks Court of BBWMatchMate Opinion we have:

Is a Hot a Sandwich?

Please feel free to defend your reasoning in the comments, and/or tell me what you put on yours. Mine is in the first comment
A Hot IS a Sandwich
A Hot is NOT a Sandwich
39 Comments , 144 votes
Today, I rant
Posted:Jan 2, 2022 4:31 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2022 12:41 pm
See my cock pic?

Actual content that has nothing to do with this pic is posted in first comment cuz grammar gremlins
New Community Quasi Instructions
Posted:Jan 1, 2022 6:56 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2022 4:24 pm
Look, I'm not going to pretend I know everything about the new community, but there are people in my replies and inbox who are confused about how to use it.

Let's Start with how to get there currently, since they've changed the link. Click where it's circled in red

That should take you to a landing page, mine is set to New Blog Posts, but in case yours isn't, try clicking where the red arrow is pointing

Alternately, you can use the pull down menu where the menu is pointed and click Blogs, circled in red

And, you can click on Blogs under your name and pic on the left side of the screen where it's circled in red

Then, to get to the posts, use the pull down menu circled in red, and click on New Posts, Trending posts or whatever you're looking for where the red arrow is pointing

And, you're there

I would suggest you read the entire Help section that you can find by clicking where it's circled in red

Finally, there's some community settings (gear circled in red) that you can mess with at the blue arrow. As you can see, I have the dark mode enabled at the purple arrow.

Happy New Year
I hope this helps
Friday Farm Day 3
Posted:Dec 31, 2021 5:54 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2022 5:55 am
Friday Farm Day
Friday Farm Day 2

Hey all!

Same Disclaimers as usual:

I know I don't live on a farm, no need to tell me. I enjoy the alliteration of the title.

I grow from seed, except berries, bananas, and orange tree. I use no pesticides or fertilizer besides my own homemade compost. Though, I am looking into getting some beneficial insects next spring.

(PS, in case you didn't know, bananas don't have seeds. They have pups that grow from the mother plant's rhizome. You can (and I have) separate the pup from the mother plant and grow a whole new banana plant from it. I'm currently growing seven separate banana plants from one mother plant.)

This is my first year growing anything successfully. I live in Florida Zone 9B

First up, it seems my favorite seed company has taken note of the sucker written across my forehead and sent me their new catalogue. This is pretty exciting for me as Baker Creek has a wide variety of heirloom seeds. (What is an heirloom? The definition is open to dispute. But the term is usually applied to fruit, flower or vegetables varieties that were being grown before World War II. Heirloom varieties are open-pollinated--meaning that unlike hybrids, seeds you collect from one year will produce plants with most of the characteristics of the parent plant. And that's key to their survival.)

I finally got all my berries in the ground. This is a blueberry

Look at how big my baby papayas are getting!

Also, finally got all my pink celery in the ground

And, lastly, but certainly not least, my orange tree is starting to bloom!

Happy Friday all!

To link to this blog (EnigmaInitiative) use [blog EnigmaInitiative] in your messages.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Happy HNW ~ Winter Apparel (63)G0ttagetfree
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