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How old is too old for woman  

G000dbuddy 34M  
973 posts
12/23/2021 1:43 am
How old is too old for woman

45 age bracket seem to be scared of dating their own age - instead they look for women. To boost their ego? Or does she come across as over intelligent? But she DOes intelligent conversation, an independant man, a good man who is well mannered! Is that too much to ask for at her age?

Or maybe she should become a cougar? She will seriously consider the option unless you, the nice 55 year old will contact her? She is a really good company. She is very pleasant to look at, she laughs a lot but thats because she have a good sense of humour - so be brave guys to answer .......
Above 35
Above 45
Above 55
Depends upon
Other


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 1:44 am

So every day she goes through her mail and try to discourage the gorgeous young men trying to date her! She is a not a love starved widow ready to do anything for a bit of affection.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy replies on 12/24/2021 3:32 am:
What makes a man's affair more acceptable than a women's and will that mind set ever change? It all comes down to evolution. Men and women are different and that goes without saying. However, it's not just the way we use the bathroom, or the mechanics of our bodies that make us different, it's in our brains.

While advancements in society have given women the ability to play a role equal to men; we will never be men. If we're so equal then why do we want to have a man in the first place? Instinctively, women want to feel protected, comforted and loved. Women want to feel safe and taken care of, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's simply the way the way our minds work. When a man has an affair, his partner can often get over it because his affair didn't affect his ability to protect her. Women can often accept an affair by thinking that "he doesn't love the other woman, he's just using her." That's not to say that every woman will. However, despite all our centuries of evolution and societal advancements, we still cling to the basic needs that out ancestors started out with so long ago.

Still wonder what makes it so outrageously unacceptable for a woman to have an affair? Men started out with basic instincts too, and that is to pass on their seed. If a woman has an affair, there's no guarantee whose child she will have. A man needs to know that his blood line will go on. It may not make sense now, with birth control and paternity tests, but it's what drives our species to procreate and continue to exist.

Every creature on earth starts out with some basic instincts. Animals go on with life, following their built in road map. It can be hard for people to do the same. We've grown to a point where we need to understand our actions and feelings, separating emotion from logic.

Despite all the logic in the world, we haven't yet managed to entirely shut down these basic instincts. Which is a good thing, because if a woman didn't want a man for protection, and a man didn't desire a woman for procreation then would we not eventually dwindle out of existence? Perhaps one day we'll grow to the point where affairs are a thing of the past. Until then, it's our basic needs and instincts that make society turn a blind eye to a man's fling, while tagging women as immoral sluts.

hotttswingers 39M/60F  
3 posts
12/23/2021 2:00 am

That is an interesting question! I thought it would all be over when I turned 50, but I was wrong. The older I get, the young men seem to think it's sexy. And yes, I'm a cougar. There is no lack of older men here either. I think a woman can find whatever she's looking for since there are so many more men than women on this site.


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:18 am

Other comments 1
age these is but a number . I to am recently widowed . and a member of several other free dating sites . and there all the same . so much so I'm close to giving up. but i just get this feeling everyday there might be a message in the inbox . so I've got to look . i do have this feeling women think a man should do all the chasing
we are in the twenty twenties now not the sixteen hundreds . it takes two to make a relationship . pic or no pic there all just as bad . so may i suggest if you can find an active 2020 profile on here and you like it give it a go. JUST BE CAREFUL . MUST BE TREATED LIKE A FIREWORK HOLD AT ARMS LENGTH . AND GIVE THEM NOTHING

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:19 am

Other comments 2
Its almost a 180 degree in belief systems. Young ladys learn after a few experiences realize older men...like their female counterparts are experienced, considerate...longer lasting..
Sure the ...kids..recover quicker but whats to recover after 90 seconds of selfish panting?
Go by feelings...if they treat you well, act as they should, have fun!!! If not show them the door!!!!
Best of Luck

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:21 am

Other comments 3
Older guys go after younger women :Fact . Older women do not want younger guys :fact .. Older guys want younger woman because it boosts their male ego .younger guys go after older women for sex they think your older are wiser and they can learn from you . Of course younger guys are more virile so the sex is great but theres more to life than sex. When your female and 55 yrs or older your chances of meeting an intelligent healthy solvent man are very slim indeed because hell be inundated with younger beautiful women after his money and security and there's not a man on the planet who doesn't want a younger beautiful woman so he can make his friends jealous because that's what he cares about most ,other men's opinions . Men will tell you anything and everything you want to hear to get you into bed and if his performance is below pat hell expect you to put up shut up cos that's what women politely do .my afvice is dont hold out too much hope and you won't be disappointed and in the meantime live your life fully and you'll find the happiest moments hours days sre often spent alone .if you had a good marriage your chances of meeting someone half as good are almost nil .all that will happen is disappointment angst pain it's not worth it . You're an attractive bright woman you don't need a man dragging you down coz most men do esp those on free dating sites . good luck you'll need it in bucket loads

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:22 am

Other comments 4
Well I can only suggest when one stops looking or expecting then love finds you. As for age differences if I were a fleamale being doted on by a young guy whose virility is still in tact
I would give some consideration. Yes you don't want to raise another kid if you have raised your kids already. Even your own children if you have any would look at you kind of strange.
Some young studs are still looking for a mom but figure they can entertain a milf for an ego boost.
When a guy gets too old and useless or needs little blue pills to make things work I'm sure it is embarrassing along with lack of staying power. As for emotional maturity and stability that is what women expect of a man at middle age. If he doesn't have anything on his plate to offer he's a loser and you are not getting any younger to wait to see what happens. Such as in my case women will be a senior home before they see any results from me. It is why they don't want anything to do with me today. If you find someone within a reasonable age who has much to offer you I would cease the opportunity. She who hesitates is lost. You say you want intelligent conversation and independent good looking men to entertain you who hopefully are not walking with a cane or sitting in wheelchair. Yet, to find someone emotionally and physically healthy even partially wealthy and wise would be an ideal match for any woman. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve goodness and love and beauty surrounds you. If one dares to approach you to offer you kindness be they 25yrs 35yrs or 45 cease the opportunity for she who hesitates is lost. Only minds and hearts truly join. Love is ageless and timeless but, always ever trying to offer healing.
Being too selective shows one is not seeking love but someone to feed them what they cannot get for themselves.
Never assume a guy who is middle aged is any more mature than a 25 yr old

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:27 am

Other comments 5
move on.
There's no trick but tricks of the mind's habits, which you can change. It's worth while embracing someone you loved who will never return, because they cannot or you will never allow them to return into your life. Forgive, love, move on. Having this one life is what you have and no one's partner is their "other half"! You are whole, you are a single organism, you are on your passage, you always were. When someone close can never share your journey, you are still on your passage. Tell yourself that you are and make a conscious effort to not stop loving who you are, don't punish yourself by making the shadow of a former life follow you wherever you go. Say goodbye, keep the memory of love, move the image of yourself to you only.
I've managed to maintain my individuality, which I strongly protect and maintain. People who want me want me for who I am and not because I came bundled with someone else - oh, your FancyNancy's other half - NO I'm buddy

As far as age is concerned, well that's a really funny thing. When I was 20 I had a girlfriend of 30. I had no idea how much I liked that and for obvious reasons it worked but only until I saw the age difference. Now that I'm older I laugh about myself and how I felt at 20. I have in the past had wonderful, casual relationships with people 20 years younger and it wasn't about "performance" but attitude ,their needs & comfort zone, and most importantly commonality between us. I get on well with people well below and those much older. The s*xual thing is always workable and I have to say that interest and enjoyment is achieved by working out mutual benefits and not "I can only do this and won't do that". You have to work it through. May be the average of an hour every three days of that pleasure should be balanced by realising there are all those other hours when the two of you are deriving other pleasures. With everything balance and moderation is important but communication is essential for success.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:29 am

    Quoting hotttswingers:
    That is an interesting question! I thought it would all be over when I turned 50, but I was wrong. The older I get, the young men seem to think it's sexy. And yes, I'm a cougar. There is no lack of older men here either. I think a woman can find whatever she's looking for since there are so many more men than women on this site.
Guys are guys. They think they're God's gift to women. Just slough it off and keep on searching. Sooner or later there will be an age appropriate guy with at least half a brain who shares similar interests with you. Until then, the delete button comes in very handy. Good luck!

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:31 am

Other comments 7
Be friendly and unassuming while complimenting. Don't overdo it. If you are paying a woman a compliment and oozing sexuality then you will likely make her feel uncomfortable. As a gentleman you should find tactful ways to praise the attributes of a woman without creating an awkward situation.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/23/2021 6:34 am

Other comments 8
Gone are the days when men marry and expect the wife to be the cook, laundromat, house cleaner, etc. Any respectable man ought to do them, cook, do the laundry (including hers), clean the house, shop for her sanitary pad if she is unable to, attend to the baby, etc
The motto is, serve and be served, love and be loved, etc

goodbuddy781


exsquid46 63M
640 posts
12/23/2021 9:52 am

Mr. GOOOdbuddy,

What I am finding is that women my age or a little older are looking for men in their 4o's and 50's. In fact very few women are looking for men over 60.

I don't think that there is any age in which a woman is considered too old, it all depends on her outlook.

I know women that were in their 50's and they thought they were too old, but then again there are women in their 70's that are still active.


Jake1ma69 39M
22 posts
12/23/2021 10:06 am

It’s more about connection than age


G000dbuddy replies on 12/24/2021 1:07 am:
personally believe that it isn't the "Age" factor that makes (or breaks) a good relationship. It is due to a few factors. I believe that Maturity and Responsibility are two main factors. Not to mention, Honesty and Reliability. Those are what makes a good and communicative relationship.

Also, being financially stable, as well as emotional. Without those elements, those relationship expires quickly than one may realize

kinkyblackwife 49M/47F  
54 posts
12/23/2021 10:38 am

Merry Christmas!


G000dbuddy replies on 12/24/2021 1:11 am:
Other comments
Here when it comes to start a family this thing should be discussed first i mean in beginning phase.As far as closeness with friends these thing can be settle down with time.There both should have patience while taking on this front.Do not chase insecurity,it can kill any kind of relationship.Any kind of relationship can and is work which have faith and affection and here again age gap relationship is no exception.

PonyGirl1965 56F  
22090 posts
12/23/2021 11:48 pm

I always seek men older than myself. Just my preference.


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 12:55 am

    Quoting exsquid46:
    Mr. GOOOdbuddy,

    What I am finding is that women my age or a little older are looking for men in their 4o's and 50's. In fact very few women are looking for men over 60.

    I don't think that there is any age in which a woman is considered too old, it all depends on her outlook.

    I know women that were in their 50's and they thought they were too old, but then again there are women in their 70's that are still active.
One of the biggest issues faced by couples who have a large age gap in their relationship is that they will often have different plans for the future of the relationship. In many cases the older partner in the relationship will be looking to settle down and start a family, while the younger partner is not always ready for such a commitment. In some cases the older partner already has family commitments from a previous relationship, which can cause friction with their current partner. On a similar note, the possibility of starting a family may lead to tension where the younger person would like to have children but their older partner has a family from a previous relationship, and doesn't want to have any more children.

Partners in relationships with large age gaps often find it difficult to relate to their partner's friends, sometimes finding their older partner's friends boring or their younger partner's friends immature. Even if this is not the case, their partner's friends often leave them out of the group, either consciously or subconsciously. Similarly, partners may have different ideas of fun places for dates.

As with any relationship, insecurity is one of the main issues which can destroy a happy couple. When in relationships with an age gap, partners often find themselves worrying that their other half will run off with someone their own age.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 12:57 am

Other comments 9
Yeah yeah love love LoVe. Thing is, first of all, some people dont, or dont want to, fall in love. Also what the f IS love anyway? Some of you humans, for instance, believe that love is you dont cheat on each other. Other people think love is the opposite. Letting your mate run wild and free and are happy when they're satisfied. And there's even in -between people. They both want to make it with others, but the want the relationship to be deep. Yeah deep, man deep.
Another thing is this marriage thing. you think THAT'S LOVE?
Signing a DOCUMENT for love (or whatever) so later when it all falls apart your "love" can use the law against you? Yeah.
Age difference. What about people who ARE looking for a mother or father figure?
Maybe it happens more often than you think. Maybe sadder, is some people struggle with that all their lives, never realizing that for whatever reason, or whatever their parents did to them, they are actually meant for that sort of a relationship. Usually but not always, the older one is seen as one with great wisdom, and experience. The Younger can learn from him. And the younger brings freshness and youth into the Older's life. Maybe even gives him something to live FOR.
They both have to understand their humor and knowledge was geared to whatever generation they were born into. Like a Brit and an American talking. They understand each others language (almost) perfectly, but some things will be taken the wrong way. And they simply have to be aware of that.
And how many times have people of whatever is the Perfect Age for each other failed miserably in THEIR relationships?
I say if you like something, go for it. Be AWARE of possible pitfalls. And when and IF it goes stale, then you simply must get out. And God help you if you married the bastid! C'ya!

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 12:59 am

Other comments 10

My wife of blessed memory was 18 years older than me. We had a good marriage, and age-difference was never a problem for us, but it certainly was for a lot of other people. People accused her of being a gold-digger, etc. The treated me like a 60's hippie, just because I have long-hair. The fact that I listen to classical music and don't do drugs of any kind, was always lost on them. Their prejudice always made their choices for them.

I don't recommend running out and trying to find someone much older, or much younger. But there are some very valid and legitimate reasons for it.

I divorced my first wife after one month of marriage when I caught her writing a letter to her boy-friend. (She claimed I was much older and mature than she was....a whole nine months!) It was ten years before I even considered dating again. When I did, I'd seen enough in that ten years to know I wanted a mature woman, and there just weren't any to be found that were still single. So, I made a conscious decision to find somebody older, as long as they appeared to have a little bit of maturity. It worked, and it worked quite well.

As I said, the only age-issues we ever had, were other people treating us wrong. Sad that prejudice still runs so many stupid people's lives.

But be clear on one point. For good or for ill, it is more likely that the older person will die before the younger. When my 26-year marriage ended and I became a widower, it was the toughest thing I've ever gone through. The marriage was worth it, and I would never change a thing. But it took me 2 1/2 years to get over it, and Covid kicked me when I was already down, and I have since lost four very good friends (none from the virus, but instead, from the quarantine or "treatments". One died less than a week after my wife did, and was completely unrelated to covid or quarantine.)

So, you can safely ignore most of the discussion about age, except the discrimination, as some of the above comments show. But you still need to make sure you get married for the right reason! (Yes, marriage is even more important today, that it was in the past.)

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 1:03 am

Other comments 11
Many unique points made but, people need to be mindful of age gaps that they are not seeking a mother or father image.

Often times our only frame of reference in finding relationships or creating relationships is we have our parents to use as a gauge in finding our mates.

Yes many may complain about maturity level and yes a 20 year old guy would be somewhat ideal for a 40 yr old woman because he has the stamina to please her when she is at her peak. Most women are at their peak at 40 and they often want sex more before menopause sets in.

Yet, if a woman at 40 to 50 is wanking with a guy at 20 would she be comfortable to think if she had a son at 20 and her boyfriend is 20?

The same applies to guys at 40 looking for a 20 yr old girl.

Yet, if we are to say age is not a problem but, maturity and financial stability is, think about it how many 20 year olds are cruising around in $50,000 sportscars and live in penthouse suites?
Most are in school and work at burger joint barely maintaining a clunker car and living at home with their folks.

Today it takes so long for people to make a name for themselves and life is more complicated with so many more choices.
Kids today spend more time playing video games and not working on their maturity responsibilities.

Yet they want to be respected in the adult world. They need to put away their games and get a job designing those games.

Yet, because of the way life seems to be today both young and old the only ones getting laid these days are those in the porn industry.

Marriage today has no meaning today. They often fail in 10 years maybe 20 after the kids grow up to make the same mistakes their folks make.

People today trade their partners like cars. Even this site is like a used car lot. Instead of used cars its used and abused people young and old alike.

We all have a story and we can be attracted to youth because we often got cheated out of our youth being forced into the role as adult children at age 9.

We also want to rekindle our youthful years to play like we did when we were 15.

Old folks at 50 and 60 are just scared of living and dying alone. So, anyone willing to put up with us old codgers is a treat.

We are often set in our ways then and trying to train some young stud or girl to suit our needs is noble because they are young and impressionable. The fine line between training or corrupting needs to be observed first.

There are many old folks who never grew up and never amounted to anything. When a 25 yr old just steps out of college has more on the ball than a 50 or 60 yr old who has lived a full life of misery, one has to wonder why a 25 yr old would want to shag a 50 yr old who has nothing on their plate?

Where is the attraction? There is no future for both parties.
On that note its best to find people in same age group and similar circumstances both parties can live with. When I was 30 I dated women at 50 now the role has shifted. At 60 I may see alot of 30 yr olds and 60 yr old women here.
The 60 something women are equally bitter and unrealistic in their needs and wants in a man. They may want a guy there age but, he may not be useful in the sack. So they are looking for money.

The 30 year olds are still looking for a partner to bed with because they still have that drive. The menopause hasn't set in so, they have 10 to 15 yr gap of playing the field in settling down with a family.

On that note many will judge and criticize differently but, its just an opinion and observation

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 3:35 am

Other comments 12
Cheating, yet another reason why i think marriage is a crock of hogwash. If you dont marry in the first place you will have less problems and you'll be able to leave whenever you want to. OF COURSE PEOPLE CHEAT. It's just part of being a demon(crat) Demons encourage it.
Any commitment you make, should be broken according to the Demons. And that is just one fraction of what Demons are doing to ruin your society, your country, and all other countries. Weaken them and they will not be able to stand up to a world order.
Many people will look down on you if you do not marry. But they aren't worth p'n on.
WELL THEY'RE NOT! And people who do that dont give a g*d d*mn f''king flick about you.
One of the best ways to make your money and posessions AND LIFE needlessly vulnerable is to marry. If you're married i suggest you get a divorce. Before all those little things she or he did that confused and annoyed you, are made to make sense. When you are beaten, strangled, pushed off the pier. WHATEVER.
There are so many ways to rid yourself of the spouse who's standing between you, and his assets, im not even going to get into it right now.
If the person cannot love you or "mate" with you cause you didnt marry them, THEN LEAVE THEM before it's too late!

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 3:37 am

Other comments 13
Cheating by either gender is wrong but women and men cheat generally for different reasons. Men usually cheat when trapped in a loveless marriage/relationship. Women cheat to find greener grass on the other side or excitement.
Feminism and the State have made the "decent man", obsolete. Mr. Average who works for his money, makes average pay, gets dirty, tries to do the right thing, has manners and treats women with respect isn't good enough, needed, nor desired. He is boring, and since almost all women in the west see themselves as an all desirable siren, average just won't do! Heaven forbid if you're male and under five foot ten, you might as well join a monastery.
Women don't need decent average men. They make their own money and when they don't, the state is their to care for them.
No, far more attractive is the arrogant bullshitter, alpha males who get off throwing their weight around, hurting people, being the rude bully and all too often sleeping around and cheating on the current dufus who is their current bed partner.
If a woman marries a decent guy, more than half the time she will cheat on him with one of these bastards who will mistreat her. Just check out the date sites for "married" women who want to have discreet affairs with guys like this. Equality???
Yeah, I repeat, it's wrong for anyone to cheat on someone they purport to love or care for. Yet, feminism has brought western culture to the ground wherein women cheating has become the norm. You want to fool with these alpha males? You get what you asked for. And don't say, "all men are alike." Most of the women who make this statement don't know what a decent man is, because they are too good to bother with a decent man.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/24/2021 3:39 am

Other comments 14
I think you are right; but women caused this phenomenon. How many men are with women that know they are cheating. Tiger woods so far has 13 mistresses, all saying they were long term. I'm sorry, but a blind man in a sand storm could see those signs. He was actually getting hundreds of sexy texts and emails and you dont think she knew? My ex could smell if I had hugged a woman who had perfume on her.

I think women create this; many men know they can cheat but the women are so into them that they will take them back. I know one woman right now who is with a guy that is sleeping with 3 other women but she says that she knows he loves her though, and not them. huh?

Women constantly choose bad guys, thinking they can change them and in the end they rip on them.

If women didn't accept men cheating, this wouldn't happen. Many men will not accept a cheating women and they will leave.

The "new" women's movement is ridiculous. Lets be as slimy as men. Well cheating is cheating is cheating. If women didn't accept this behavior, neither would society.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/25/2021 12:37 am

He compliments what you do, not just how you look.
Most men enjoy telling a woman how great they look. However, if they are really into a woman, they will also compliment her about all the little things she does that they love. Not only will they say that you're beautiful, they'll also praise you for things like your kindness, your humor, or your intelligence.

He tries to figure out what makes you tick.
If men are only interested in a superficial relationship, the conversations they carry tend to reflect that. They don't really try to get to know you; they may not even ask you questions at all, opting to talk about themselves nonstop instead. However, if they're in the company of a woman they are starting to develop serious feelings for, they want to learn about what makes her tick. So, if a guy is getting serious about you, they may ask questions about your past, your dreams for the future, and what things in the present bring you the most joy.

He invests time in you and he's reliable about it.
If a man is serious about a woman, he prioritizes his time so that she has a part of it. If he says he'll call, he does. If he makes plans with you, he doesn't flake. Even on especially hectic weeks, he'll make a serious effort to at least touch base with the special lady in his life. When crazy schedules are driving you two apart, he'll be proactive in making sure that you spend some quality time together.

He talks about the future.
Any conversation about the future can be a source of nervous conversation for many men. However, if a guy is serious about you, he starts to see you in his life down the road. He'll ask questions about what you'd like to accomplish in the next several years in an effort to see whether you are on the same page as him about the future.

Meeting a new romantic partner can be both emotionally draining and exhilarating. If you cross paths with a man who shows the signs above, there's a good chance you've landed a keeper. Enjoy getting to know each other. With a bit of luck and compatibility, you could be laying the foundation for a beautiful relationship.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/25/2021 12:40 am

Other comments from woman
It's so nice to feel that special person makes time to even send a tiny message every day, just letting you know he thinks of you or he is looking forward to the day when you can spend time together... Each little detail really adds up.

I do find it enticing if my guy asks about the future it does indeed bode well if you really like him and want a long relationship.
Okay , how can i find this guy?

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 3:01 am

Other comments 16
There are some great books out there that are real eye openers for both extremes...selfish and generous. I was born with a double dose of "the doormat syndrome" frustrated growing up in the south as a girl in a dysfunctional atmosphere doh

One book that helped me understand the process and psychology of things is The Dance of Anger. While I was reading it, I could see a lot of myself and others around me in it. What really helped is it gave me the knowledge and the tools to change. It takes a long time to re-learn behaviors and correct sub-conscious thoughts and feelings. It can be very frustrating.

Boundaries are important and it is our own responsibility to teach others no matter who they are how to treat us, but first we must learn how to treat ourselves well. Like the song "R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me."

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 3:05 am

Other comments 17
of all the crap on the interwebs, this page resonated.

"You no longer feel as though you genuinely like your partner" Pretty much sums up the death of our relationship.

"Your sex life is limited or non-existent"
Bingo again. No sex is a death knell for relationships. Sex should be present even in the most tumultuous of situations. No sex = no connection.
background
Married 30+ years, I cheated and was caught frequently (not proud but I need to be honest). Spouse never processed it before, we just powered on through. This time it took 10 weeks to process. Spouse is now asking "why are we still married?" and I cannot think of a good reason why other than I don't want change or lose my assets or to be labeled "single." Everyone in our family is divorced, weren't we were better than they were?
Thanks for this excellent summation of good love gone bad.
Parting shot - the leading cause of divorce is marriage. Just say "no"

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 3:07 am

Other comments 18
The relationship starts usually like this:
Wow I really like him,,,,, could he/she be the one????
Women typically start planning the next year, 5 years and before you know it you are walking down the aisle.
Your thoughts turned into action.

Then - BANG!! you find out something about the person you really can't live with.
Could be the voice, the sex, the lack of attention, or a number of things.
So the withdrawal from the relationship begins.... in other words you start tearing it down in your head and heart.

Your thoughts become your actions.

Check out a good book- the 5 languages of love. Great reading....
It talks about the 2 year - wow of the relationship.

Step one- Keep it real in the beginning.
Be honest about what you really need and want.
Don't give up your dreams.
Hear what the other person is telling you what they need and want.
Listen to yourself..... be aware of your self talk- "I could help him/her change that".

Relationships should not require- hard work just attention and lots of communication.
Don't believe the old saying opposites attract- they eventually repel....

Above all else communication- clear cut down to eath really does work. Take the time to do this every day. Listening and giving the proper acknowledgement is key to success.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 3:10 am

hurdle that female comedians seem to face is public perception. If asked, most men would say that they would not want their wives, or girlfriends, to be funnier than them. This is not to suggest that all men hold this opinion, but it is a universal truth that the male ego is still alive and well. It could be said that a lot of female comics compromise their femininity somewhat, to compensate for this fact. After all, if a man sees a woman as a feminine being, he isn't necessarily listening to what she's saying. So, it's little wonder that many female stand-up comedians attempt to de-sexualise themselves, in order to be heard.

On the other side of public perception, female comedians have to tackle the members of their own sex. There are some women who may feel intimidated by a confident, witty, woman. One way for a female comedian to get these women on their side is to tell jokes about men. The only problem is that by doing that a female comic immediately ostracizes the male members of an audience. There is clearly a catch twenty two situation here, which just is not present for a male comedian.

This isn't simply another chapter in the battle of the sexes. The issues surrounding the perception of female comedians say a lot about our society. They suggest what is perhaps obvious, that we are still far from an age of sexual equality. All comedians have their fans and their detractors, this is no surprise. What is shocking, however, is that often the detractors of female comedians do not merely express their dislike of the material. Read, or listen to, any debate about female comedians and you will notice that the comments get extremely personal and offensive. Often women are derided for their looks, or their sexuality. There is an aggression present which is incomprehensible and seems to have nothing to do with a female comic's talent. With all this up against them, it is not difficult to see why so few women choose to take up the profession.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:41 pm

Other comments from woman 1
I personally can be very funny and very serious in one min when the situation needs it. That is a question of education, environment and .. inner personality, not a question of colour, age, gender or else.. there are bitter and sad people that see the life through an empty glass all the time, and the others just have understood early that life is a BIG JOKE itself.. I can tell that i am very sensitive too, but i always see the fun in everything, even the worse situations can be turned off to something good and fun if you wear the right glasses after all.. i have had people laughing around me at funerals several times, just saying, and that was not because i did not behave or was disrespectuous at all, no sarcasms either.. i am a nice and decent lady, that is just my way to compensate for dramas. Life is very short, that's up to us all to make the best of it.. there is no second chance !
As for the female comedians, they are a real plus and can be hilarious (french ones are), when they have got that special attitude and are able to make us think deeply and in the meanwhile, have a good laugh. their humor is generally less vulgar than men lol

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:43 pm

Other comments from woman 2
i've just talked to my 22 year old son about this. . . hes at university and knows quite a few funny women . . he says he thinks they're great and loves spending time with them but says he just doesnt feel attracted to them . . even when they're hot.

to be funny and witty takes intelligence . . men dont like women to be more intelligent than they are . . most women understand this on some level.

without blaming mothers . . do mothers teach their daughters to hold themselves back . . while sons are encouraged to be loud and push themselves forward?

i've noticed that a lot of funny, witty, women that i know personally as well as women who make a living from comedy have gone to single sex schools, especially catholic schools run by nuns.

and as for men who want a women with a 'gsoh' . . i get the impression they want an audience, someone who will laugh at their jokes rather than the other way around.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:44 pm

Other comments from woman 3
I think its a different story if women are funny, or if they are comedians..

And most men do say that they want a funny woman.. but my experience is that if you are funny, say in public, is that the odd male will cringe and want you to stop..

I think a lot of men who express that they want their woman to have a sense of humour, is actually that they want them to laugh at their jokes.. courtesans included..

No, I totally agree with this article, that a woman is permitted to be witty, but not actually raucusly funny, or she will alienate either the men or the women.. depending on her angle. So Comedien/ne is just another job afffected by s*xual prejudice/oppression.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:47 pm

Other comments from woman 4
OK I see where you're coming from but the question of women being funny is not the same as why more women aren't comediennes. You covered that well but the question of can women be funny is broader than that. The truth of the matter is that men love funny women. Peruse the men's ads on this site and you will see that the woman they all seem to want is the same: kind, intelligent, loyal and with a sense of humour. When I'm not typing long diatribes in the forums , I am quite funny and men always seem charmed by it. But this goes beyond our current times and back into history. The great courtesans, to whom men paid unreasonable sums of money for the pleasure of their company, were almost invariably quite witty. There are examples of unfunny ones but they tend to have been supplanted by a funnier woman eventually. And courtesanry is not just about sex but often women were desired just for their charming company. There is certainly no historical presidence for women having less of a sense of humour or being less funny than men.

It is my opinion, however, that women hold themselves back in order to stay "beneath" the man. This goes for humour as well. There is also the perception that the male ego cannot handle being teased and this is true of a very few and very unworthwhile men. Mainly, men seem to like powerful women: bright, educated, funny, alive. And they may be attracted to a somewhat attractive woman without these things but I think this is short-lived. For those women who are not funny, I believe it is women's *perception* of men - and of what women "should" be - that holds them back.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:51 pm

Other comments from men 1
Ok so where has the world got to when we judge a person by what they look like or what they say If a person can make you laugh that is a talent that alot of us dont have stop talking about the difference just enjoy the fact that without people able to do it the world be worse off than it is already

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:55 pm

Other comments from men 2
Forget the comediennes and comedians. Observe your social circles.

In my social circles to date, there have been mildly funny men and women, up to about one or two in each of ten people in the room, more-or-less, randomly. Some guys garner a guffaw from the crowd, and in one large circe (diameter of several dozens of metres) there were three men who could get a guffaw every meeting, about two good ones each time. Women in this circle, however, were lacking in making jokes. One woman was witty, but in a very mild and non-confrontational way.

There was a third guy who had good stories, and a quiet guy who was subtly humoured. The third guy had got stuck in his stories at around age 50, and could not learn more new ones. So he kept repeating them. The quiet guy died. Nice guys never finish.

So four to one in that circle, in favour of funny men over funny women.

In all my other circles combined, I remember two guys who were always entertaining, sometimes via humour, but more likely in a challenging way. I remember two guys who were wildly funny with everything they said. In these "other" circles, there were two women I had the pleasure of knowing them for their senses of humour. One was wildly funny, actually the only woman I have ever known personally who said something wildly funny each time she opened her mouth. The other one was more subdued in her humour, she was kinder and less biting in her jokes. This latter one was struggling to survive cancer, and for at least 25 years she has been winning the battle. But it has been a bitter, depressing, angering, and unfair fight she has felt she has had to wage. She lost 98 percent of her faith in god through this ordeal.

So in the other circles, combined, the ratio was four to two. For the men again.

Now. I don't thing men have better senses of humour or women are more withdrawn and shy, or more afraid of performing in front of crowds. I also don't think that women would feel the pressure to act "feminine" in front of people which includes acting on stage, but not as a comedienne.

I think it all boils down to Asperger's. Asperger's is a form of mental disease, which manifests in many ways, and one of them is not being able to tell how the action of the A's guy is going to affect other humans. This is a huge difficulty, for then the A's say sometimes really inadequate things in crowds, simply because they don't have an innate feeling and premonition to know, which other, normal people do have, to know how the crowd will be affected.

But humour is a behaviour which can be learned through hard work and practice, and it is still easier for a Asperger's sufferer to learn than to learn how to behave otherwise.

The social circles stuff showed to me that as a norm, men have better senses of humour. The fact that in my samples where I observed the humour-stuff dispersion among the population there was no pressure to conform to any social norm of expectations re: femininity and shyness, shows that the true self of humans makes men more frequently humour-producing than it makes women that. At around a three-to-one ration.

The fact that the trhee-to-one ratio gets blown up into a hundred-to-one ratio once we talk professionals or public performers of humour, it shows that having Asperger's, and thus once having it, then the ticket to gaining acceptance of society at large IS via producing humour.

Oh, many more men suffer from Asperger's than women, I don't know if I have already said that.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/29/2021 2:55 am

LDRs can fall prey to trust issues.
Not being able to see someone or know what they are doing, or not knowing the people that the other person is hanging out with, can leave the other party wondering if the other person is really where he is or doing what he says he is doing. LDRs require a lot of faith and if you are the type of person who finds it hard to trust someone, this could easily lead to doubt. Reassuring a doubting partner is also almost impossible to do the phone, which further adds to the problem.

A long distance relationship has worked for numerous couples in the past, and there are many couples who are making it work right now. However, the numbers do not lie. For every couple who succeeds in making an LDR worth their while, ten more end up in bitterness, resentment, and regret. Before entering an long distance relationship, it is important to remember that LDRs require double the amount of work, understanding, and appreciation that normal relationships require. If making a normal relationship work has taken its toll on you, ask yourself whether you can take the pressure of an long distance relationship before committing to one.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/29/2021 3:00 am

Other comments from woman 1
It take two to tango..as the saying goes...

It's has worked for many of my friends who are happily married and living overseas and they celebrate more than a decade of marriage...

It's in the man's hand as they go looking for a somethings quick and then intimacy too plays a roll LDR who lives across thousands of miles can't be able to do that... BUT that's the best relationship as you have a great foundation and then comes the happy hour intimacy to play and yes that's a bonus... But some woman and men jump out of their relationship way too soon... And that exactly where they find the wrong kind partner...you will be even married but in time they keep looking for something else and then your back in the same position.

A decade I was a single never dated nor had any form of relationship with a gentleman...but I was pressured by my friends and I finally agreed and came in to this site... Was never active... But open my self to the world nearly two months now and there were more than 1200 response from gentleman even without a my pictures... But was not my choice and ignored and last June nearly end of the month a picture popped up on my matches and the very moment I saw it I had this feeling this is it...and I kept looking at the picture and I read him and what I could gather from the image was we both were looking for the same thing and once and for all... So twice I ignored it but then I realized if I don't go a step toward to find my partner he might not know I exist as I didn't have a picture... So I did the ultimate and wrote to himself and he wrote back we communicated few days on site. He kept sending his number to be contacted one to one still I insist that we write on our personal email...and then I shared and image of mine after few day.. And finally we were chatting on what'sapp...then he wanted to talk I was shy as I have not done this in ages... But after few days we
spoke to...we liked each other and week passed we were like teenagers... But two weeks to it I started senses his eagerness dropping even though he still wanted to come see me...and then came with the ultimate words ...and even when I reminded him that those words should not be said easily...I wore pressistantly confirming...and current day he is extremely missed on my what'sapp account... I wanted to on one to one so if there are things to discuss and matter around we find method & ways to handle the situation.. But nothing.... So I am back in my little world... Knowing finding true love is difficult and it take a great deal for the gentleman...if you need intimacy within weeks then it's something build on that activity...you will put up with that person for some time due to the greed and fun your having...but there comes a day you two will seek others and get board...
My personal statement is Long distance relationship CAN work... But you should be committed and dedicated to your goal and not deviate from temptations.... If my friend who I was talking realize that reckless he puts him self to find someone quick near by will have a good chance but the other partner too be having the same appetite for intimacy... Heart aches are bound to happen there and cheating... Loyalty is limited to short time span...
I wish him good luck...as for me I want to meet people as pen pals now.. I don't want to go finding love because I know exactly what it is that I want it it's no longer with me.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/29/2021 3:02 am

Other comments from woman 2
LDRs doomed to fail at the beginning simply bcoz both doesnt have the chemistry and bonds together to be in reality.. LDR is only meant to those who are committed to make things happen and havin the positive thought of possible things will achieve no matter what it takes. People who are in an LDR relationship that dont see themselves to be with the person from the other side of the world or see themselves to travel an hour or so to be with the person they thought they want to share their life with is the one who fails from the start its bcoz they themselves have no driven passion to pursue somethin,they are lack of confidence to try a new journey,or afraid to see new things ahead. LDR works only to those who have compassion in building a relationship with hopes and beliefs,to those who only see themselves to acquire a new facets of life,challenges ahead and facing the unknown. The only key for an LDR relationship is embracing the circumstances and nothing to fear of failure that things might not work out. Always remind yourself that what u want and what u dream about can only achieve if u are willing to do so and to undergo any trials along the way. LDR works if u have set goals in it,not if u dont.. Simple..

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/29/2021 3:04 am

Other comments from woman 3
Oh! Yes.. For a Ldr to actually work, I feel lots of effort/patience has to be made/agreed upon by the parties involved. Ldrs has worked for many, it depends also on if the two Individuals are really into each other ... Trust I would say is the key word for a Ldr to succeed. For e.g it's difficult to know what the other person is doing on a daily basis... If there are doubts that's where a problem begin and go down hill.
I feel to enhance a Ldr, its best to talk on a daily basis not mainly at nights and if one party can travel to visit the other in the midst, there's more chance of the relationship been a success

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/30/2021 12:03 am

People sometimes confuse intimacy with sex. Being intimate with someone is much more than just having sexual relations. Physical intimacy can develop rather quickly but intimacy on a deeper emotional level takes time. Sex is a temporary fix but it cannot fulfill the need for true intimacy. People that engage in superficial relationships such as those that are centered on sex, often fear commitment. They long for closeness but fear being hurt. The fear makes it difficult to become intimate on any other level other than a sexual level. They opt for lust rather than love so they can experience closeness without allowing their emotions to be involved in order to avoid being hurt.

A relationship without love and true intimacy does not stand much of a chance. Everyone needs to love and be loved. Love encompasses all levels from physical to emotional and even spiritual. In order to experience a multi-level type of love, we need to let go of the fear of being hurt and allow love to happen completely. There is always the potential for hurt but if we do not allow ourselves to open up to that potential, we cannot truly experience love.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/30/2021 12:05 am

Other comments from woman 1
I think sex is usually the driving force but if you have nothing in common apart from that things will get strained and the relationship will cool. As a women I feel I have to tempt my lover in all sorts of ways but we would have to have similar outlooks on life.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/30/2021 12:06 am

Other comments from woman 2
I think if you really love someone you respect them and what ever they want ..You and that partner work it out together..Love and trust is important...I do know that s*x is a good thing when two people act on it and people abuse it too...Like that is the only thing they want from me or they are using me to get what they want and then they leave me for someone else and get the same thing from them...Usually people wait till they are married...

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/30/2021 12:07 am

Other comments from woman 3
relationships are hard work, if you want it to last. sex is important, but should not be the only thing on one's mind. i like a combination of both, great sex, and intimacy.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/31/2021 4:16 am

Being yourself – and embracing the way that you are – will also help to ensure that you attract the right person. Self-confidence that grows out of an acceptance of yourself can make you irresistible to a kindred spirit, someone of like mind and interests. If you project a phony sense of self-assurance, though, you might attract someone who likes that persona even if it has nothing to do with who you really are. And, when it comes right down to it, you'll never be happy no matter who you attract into your life unless you love yourself.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/1/2022 1:57 am

He compliments what you do, not just how you look.
Most men enjoy telling a woman how great they look. However, if they are really into a woman, they will also compliment her about all the little things she does that they love. Not only will they say that you're beautiful, they'll also praise you for things like your kindness, your humor, or your intelligence.

He tries to figure out what makes you tick.
If men are only interested in a superficial relationship, the conversations they carry tend to reflect that. They don't really try to get to know you; they may not even ask you questions at all, opting to talk about themselves nonstop instead. However, if they're in the company of a woman they are starting to develop serious feelings for, they want to learn about what makes her tick. So, if a guy is getting serious about you, they may ask questions about your past, your dreams for the future, and what things in the present bring you the most joy.

He invests time in you and he's reliable about it.
If a man is serious about a woman, he prioritizes his time so that she has a part of it. If he says he'll call, he does. If he makes plans with you, he doesn't flake. Even on especially hectic weeks, he'll make a serious effort to at least touch base with the special lady in his life. When crazy schedules are driving you two apart, he'll be proactive in making sure that you spend some quality time together.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/2/2022 7:51 pm

e-maintained.

His texts are few and far between
You met a guy you connected with and started texting. Things might be hot and heavy for a while and then things slow down to the point where you rarely hear from him. Every time he texts you seem to pick up right where you left off. Days pass without hearing from him again. You might get worried and send texts to make sure he's okay, but you still don't hear from him. Days or weeks may pass before he finally gets back to you and when he does the response is very nonchalant. He won't seem concerned that you were worried about his well-being. He'll tell you he's been busy and ask how you are as if he hasn't been MIA for ten days.

His texts are emotional
When he finally texts you back, he might be emotional. He'll tell you how much he missed you. He'll be sweet and romantic and you'll immediately forget about how upset you were about his disappearing act. That is, until he disappears again the next day. That's exactly what someone who e-maintains women will do. He'll come back to show affection or make a big gesture and then disappear again. This is how he ensures that he's on your mind until he's ready to come back and do it all over again. Remember that as much as he says he misses you, loves your company, or even loves you he still doesn't make the effort to text more often.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/2/2022 7:52 pm

His texts are full of excuses
You were understanding when the man you're interested in couldn't text much while he was in school or working on a special project, but now that he has a break he's still not texting. What's up with that? The truth is that he probably wasn't too busy to text you during that time, but it made for a good excuse. When you start texting him more in hopes of connecting again, he'll have another excuse ready. Maybe he's been sick, catching up with friends, or looking for a new job. When a man is e-maintaining you, the excuses will keep coming because he doesn't want to invest too much time in you and they buy him time until he's ready to talk to you again.

. He rarely gives, but is eager to take
Someone who is e-maintaining you will come around when he needs something he knows you will give him. He has already learned that no matter how long he disappears for, you will always forgive and forget. He probably doesn't feel much guilt for coming around when he wants something. He also won't feel bad about taking off when you need something. If you are upset and want to discuss a situation with him, he won't have the time.

E-maintaining isn't something that someone will admit to doing. When someone wants to be part of your life, they will be. No one goes weeks without checking their phone unless they are incapacitated. They simply choose who they will and will not respond to.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/3/2022 12:10 am

Other comments from woman
This has happened to me once. I was the one putting all the effort to try and communicate but he never called me unless he was bored. If someones does this to you just block and delete. If someone is really into you they'll find ways to communicate with you, if they don't then they are not worth your while.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/3/2022 12:22 am

You Don't Feel the Need to Talk About the Big Stuff
You should feel comfortable talking about tough topics with your significant other. If you don't feel like you can talk to him about anything but superficial topics, you're likely dating the wrong man for you. Over the course of a few months plans and topics that are important to you should come up, and you should feel comfortable discussing them honestly. If those topics haven't come up in conversation you may be afraid of rejection, or you may, subconsciously, not see your man in your future. Either way, it's a big red flag that your man isn't the man for you in the long run


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/4/2022 6:55 am

When you meet someone online, it can be difficult to establish whether he is genuinely interested in you, or if he's playing the field. The words you hear might sounds right, but here are four signs that the man you're talking to online might be playing you.

He's a skilled sweet-talker
A player can be a very skilled sweet-talker. He can talk his way out of almost anything. You might be upset with him, but after he does a bit of talking you'll be thinking he's a wonderful guy again. A sweet-talker will not bring up sex and intimacy because he wants you to think that he's interested in your mind and feelings. He will use his charm to boost your ego.

He ghosts
Ghosting is the act of breaking up with someone, or cutting off communication, without actually saying the words. This allows the person ghosting to come and go as he pleases. He may taper off texts and never be heard from again, but he may pop up every few months, or even yearly, looking for a bit of fun. When he gets what he wants, or realizes he won't, he will disappear again until his next attempt.

He doesn't ask about you
A man who isn't interested in you won't ask anything about you. He won't ask what you did during the three days you didn't talk or how you're feeling. He may want you to carry the conversation and enjoy talking about himself, but beyond that he's really only talking to you to see if you're open to doing what he wants or to kill some time. A man who doesn't ask anything about you is someone who is looking to be entertained while he's bored.

He runs hot and cold
A player may run hot and cold leaving you feeling like you never know how he feels about you. One day he might talk about having a future with you, but the next he may act like he just wants to be friends. If his feelings are constantly changing, he's probably not interested developing a relationship with you.

Meeting a player online isn't uncommon. People enjoy being able to play the field. If you are interested in a finding a relationship, it's important to be able to recognize the traits of an online player.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/8/2022 6:44 am

Do you want to get married because you are lonely? There is nothing amiss about wanting companionship, but to look at a partner as the answer to loneliness will only result in great disappointment. Research shows that the happiest couples are those who feel they both have something valuable to contribute to the relationship. If your main motivation is filling a need for companionship, then all that you are bringing to the table are needs

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/8/2022 6:44 am

Do you want to get married because you think it will make you happy? Granted, marriage can bring happiness, but to seek fulfillment in the institution of marriage will quickly prove lacking. The view of marriage as a means to get something is faulty from the start. Marriage is primarily about giving, even when you may not feel like it. Any 'getting'—be it happiness, security or companionship—is secondary to what you are able to give to your partner.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/8/2022 6:46 am

Do you view marriage as a goal? There should be caution against seeing marriage as some future goal which you must reach in order to have purpose or happiness in life. You are a woman who is free to experience the world around you like women decades before you could not. That is a great privilege to be fully embraced, not one to be quickly surrendered to a new tax status.

Rushing to get married, often with ill-informed and misconstrued expectations, is one of the reasons divorce rates are so remarkably high. In divorce courts across America, countless times the reason for the split is, "He changed" or "She is just a different person." These "irreconcilable differences" can't be entirely avoided, but there is plenty you can guard against by simply enjoying what the single life has to offer. As you age, what you want from life evolves, what you want from relationships grows clearer, who you want to be and what you want to do with life can take drastic new shape and form. Granted, plenty of people marry at a young age and are not doomed to divorce. But just because it can work, doesn't mean it will be an easy road.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
1/12/2022 2:38 am

Over the past few , polyamory has become a more widely known term and practice. And perhaps inevitably, certain misconceptions and misunderstandings about what “polyamory” means have become widespread as well. It would be unfortunately difficult say which among these misunderstandings is the most common, or the most hurtful polyamorous folks. But there’s one in particular that I’d like discuss: the idea that “polyamory” means “committed couple who have casual partners on the side.”
There has been much talk about “open marriage” and “open relationships” in recent , with some even paradoxically dubbing non-monogamy “the new monogamy.” In this open-marriage conception of non-monogamous relationships, there is still a central, committed (often legally married) couple, who allow one another engage in purely sexual (or at least quite casual) outside relationships. Generally, any discussion about the benefits of such practice revolves around how it strengthens and/or reinvigorates the central couple in question. I want be perfectly clear that I don’t see anything wrong with strictly sexual non-monogamy so long as it’s genuinely fulfilling and consensual for all involved, including the outside partners. But for those of us living in polyamorous families, it can be incredibly frustrating when people use those concepts of open marriage make assumptions about the structure of our relationships.
Because we live in such a monogamy-centered society, it makes sense that many people can only conceive of non-monogamy in what ultimately still amounts monogamous terms. There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one. Many of us have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core “couple” at the heart of it all. , this notion that there must be one more important relationship, one true love, feels a lot like people looking at same-sex couples and thinking that one person must be the “man” in the relationship and the other must be the “woman.” After all, both of these misunderstandings result from people trying graft their normative conceptions of love and relationships onto people who are partnering in non-normative ways. It seems that it is somewhat easy for many people to acknowledge that humans are capable of loving one person and still enjoying sex with others (assuming, of course, that the terms of their relationship make such behavior acceptable). But it is much harder for people to think outside the fairy-tale notion of “the one” and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously.

goodbuddy781


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