My Worst Day in Years
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Posted:Apr 8, 2019 12:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2019 4:34 am
4951 Views
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About a month ago the wife of one of my Partner, Richard, Managers asked me to help plan and put together a Party for her 5 year Twin sons. Not that many other would be attending, mostly adult friends of theirs.
No problem I said, I love to organize and cook for gatherings. Late Sunday Brunch is one of my favorite events to host. Only difference was that this was going to be at someone else’s apartment but with careful planing and an easy to prepare meal plan, it was very doable.
We worked out two shopping lists. One for her of items to have ready for Sunday and one of the items I would bring over. My list was mostly the food items. If I was going to be responsible for the food, I wanted to pick out the best ingredients and make sure everything I needed would be available.
I even prepared each dish I planned to have in my apartment weeks in advance and carefully wrote down everything that I used from the actual kitchen items (Pots, pans, utensils ) to every ingredient (Spices, oils, vegetable}. I’m a very careful and detail planner when it comes to a meal. I’m never hurried looking for a substitute or a forgotten item. I believe a great meal start with a good plan.
Saturday evening Richard and I went out for dinner. Beautiful night so we decided to check out the Jazz Clubs in the for a nightcap or two. Luckily we got a good table at Smalls in the Village a had a wonderful night.
Only problem, we were there until they closed after 4 AM. W got home about 5 in the morning and I had promised to be at our friend’s place around AM Sunday.
OK, quick three hour nap and I’ll be fine. Except Richard ( and I admit me also) was feeling frisky so the nap was somewhat delayed and was pretty short.
You know you’re in for a bad day when a good hot shower doesn’t wash away your hangover. I let Richard sleep while I cleaned up, got dressed and collected all the stuff I was taking. Two really heavy bags and caught a cab to their place.
When I arrived, I was shocked. Their apartment was a mess. Breakfast hadn’t been cleaned and the kitchen looked like it hadn’t been cleaned all weekend. I had to clean the kitchen before starting on my Brunch preparation.
Now, this is were the my day got was absolutely ruined.
While I’m washing her Breakfast dishes she says to me,
“Janice you’ll never know what it like to raise two little ones”.
She knows I’m a Transexual Female but I just heard a comment that took all my restraint not to react to. She might as well have said “I’m better than you, I can drop ”.
And I’m sure she meant to say it to put me in the place she felt that I belonged, an inferior Woman lacking the ability to Reproduce. A Vagina-less sub human not worthy of membership in the Sorority of Bearing Females.
I don’t get angry often, but when I do, it takes me a long time to calm down. Especially when I can’t do anything about it. After all, her husband, who probably only had sex with her once, was Richard’s Manager. She is just the small minded person that would take revenge on Richard’s career thru her husband.
All I could do was tell her to take care of the and leave the kitchen to me. I didn’t want to see her or talk to her at this moment, just go away.
for the next few hours I was like a Volcano, ready to Erupt but couldn’t. I wanted to leave but couldn’t. I wanted to scream but couldn’t. And most of all, I wanted to cry.
Maybe she was right, I’m fooling myself trying to be someone I can never be. Biologically a mix of two persons that can never be completely either one. I not a Trans anything. Just someone in the middle lane that can’t go right of left.
Cooking has become my greatest accomplishment these last few years and I’m proud of the fact I did this myself. But looking around this kitchen, that I didn’t want to be in, I really didn’t care how things turned out today. I just wanted Richard to show and take me home.
He didn’t show up till after 4. Well rested, feeling good, well dressed, smiling. I hated him. I blamed him for getting me in this situation and then prolonging my anguish by being late.
When he got through all his charming Hellos to everyone else he finally gave me a hug. I whispered to him,
“You better get me the fuck out of here!”
It was obvious he had no idea what had just hit him. Totally unexpected.
I told people I had a sudden bad headache, collected my thing and told Richard I needed to go home and lay down. He sensed I was mad and suddenly looked meek and timid. He knew he was in trouble but clearly didn’t know why.
When we got in the car I unloaded on him. I yelled at him all the way home calling him every dirty name I could think of. Plus I had a few angry words about the Bitch I had spent the day helping.
At home I dropped my things, grabbed a bottle of wine and went in my bedroom slamming and locking the door.
Fortunately I found some friends on the internet who understood what I had just been though. Their sympathy was very comforting and I really appreciate their friendship and helpful words. Friends are very important to me. I love them for being there.
I usually get up early and make the coffee and fix a light breakfast Richard. Not today. I stayed in my bedroom till he lift for work. I called in sick today and am home analyzing what had happened and what I am going to do.
I thought writing this would help me get it out of my system. Clear my mind of angry thoughts.
I just remembered the one nice thing that happened to me yesterday. One of the at the Party ask if I was the twin’s Aunt. I was touched by that. At least in his young mind I was a Woman.
Jan
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What Friends Mean to Me
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Posted:Apr 2, 2019 9:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2019 9:11 pm
4576 Views
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We had some old Friends from DC visit and stay with us over the weekend. We had a wonderfully relaxing weekend together. Lots of talk, laughs, wine and food.
These friends, like many others, I have been fortunate to keep over the years, have known me since before my Transition to Womanhood. I met them when I was new to the job and was still a . I wore a suit and tie back then everyday and was known by my name. I projected the image of a normal, average working and partying guy down to my Wingtip shoes.
When my Hormone Replacement Therapy started to cause obvious physical changes I came out as Transgendering. It wasn’t shouting about getting out the body I was trapped in but rather I appeared at work on a Monday in a skirt and blouse and try to act as normal as I could even though I wanted to ran out the office and disappear.
There were a lot of confused glances at me but never any outwardly signs of hostility or shock. Throughout the day everyone working around me tried to present the “just another day at the office” image although at times things did seem a little awkward.
Over time I did notice some of my coworkers were distancing themselves from me but others actually were extremely accepting and supportive. All this on both side was done with words or overt actions. I realized that what was happening was the same as everyone goes through in life all the time. Some people like you and some people never will. It’s has nothing to do with Transitioning, It is just a normal part of life in having friends vs acquaintances.
What my true Friends mean to me is that they understand I haven’t changed what is inside me. I still have the same values, opinions and views as before. What really make me “ME” has not changed. I am in a dress now but that is just external wrapping over the same mind, heart and soul as before.
I won’t exaggerate and say I love them more now but I will say, I love them as much as ever because they have always been Friends of both John and Janice.
Jan
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The First Step
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Posted:Mar 21, 2019 10:43 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2019 5:02 pm
4727 Views
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I have talked with many, many Transgendered individuals on this site and others about their early days in the process. It is almost unanimous that the First Step, telling your family, is the most difficult and stressful time in the Transition process.
I spoke with a divorced friend last night who has wanted become Female for years but has never begun the process because she can not bring herself tell her of her strong desire Transition womanhood. This is so common a obstacle that many will never realize their long time desire.
In my personal case, I didn’t have a family deal with when I decided Transition in my late 20’s. My mother died when I was 20 years old and I never know who my father was. I don’t have any siblings either. My only concern was the reaction of my coworkers and managers at the office. A small matter compared approaching one parents or with the news that you want Transition another gender so my experience is totally different and was much simpler.
Some I have talked with about their Transition choose to completely abandon their family instead of confronting them with their aspirations for gender reassignment. This most have been unbelievably difficult but it does give some insight to how strong the yearning to transition can be for some.
But, what I have learn in talking to other Transgendered is that once this barrier is overcome, they have been relieved of the greatest stress they ever had. The First Step is the most difficult to take but also the most rewarding.
I believe explaining to your your desire to Transition is very emotionally difficult. It is natural for a parent not to want to burden their with adult problems or complexities.
But what I believe is lost when dealing with your teenage are two simple facts;
They love you the most and therefore want the best for you. This is just as you would support an offspring in their endeavors through life.
Today’s younger people (teenagers and up) are more in touch with the changing world than you might believe. Social media has exposed them to so much they have become much more worldly than many adults.
Just as they have become more tolerant and accepting of various gender fluidity in their peers they tend to support the same within their own family unit. I believe it actually is easier to discuss these matters with teenagers than older people who probably have unfounded biases.
In all cases, teenagers or adults, they will arrive at a level of acceptance when your decision is properly and carefully explained to them. Take out the emotion and be factual and honest with them.
Jan
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My New Mantra
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Posted:Mar 18, 2019 10:20 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2019 9:12 am
4795 Views
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We had friends from out of town stay with us this last weekend. Steve and Kathleen are our oldest and dearest friends. All four of us used to work together in Washington, DC and became very close friends.
When we started hanging out together, I was still a male so they have known me since before my transition. Early in my Transition, Steve and Kathleen got married and soon moved to Colorado. Over the years we would get together two or three times a year so they have seen my changes and there are no secrets between us. We are still close friends and truly enjoy our times together.
Recently Steve and Kathleen have been working to start a Wine importing business. They have been to NYC several times to try and find a new supplier or possibly new wines they might be able to market.
Thus, the main reason for this visit to NYC and of course to see us and spend as much of the weekend with us as possible.
This trip they had more discussions with a Frenchman, Jean, they have dealt with before. As a matter of fact, he had dinner with the four of us at our apartment on his first trip to New York.
Sunday, he met with Kathleen and Steve again at our place. He had a case of various small vineyard wines for them to sample. Earlier, Kathleen and I had been to Whole Foods to get several items that are normally provided at a Wine Tasting to keep the palate fresh, cheeses/crackers and such.
I also bought several food items that I wanted try and Pair with the wines. I’m much more in to finding an inexpensive wine that compliments foods than just the wines “Stand Alone” qualities most wine connoisseurs love to talk about.
Late Sunday night, when Steve and Richard were taking Jean back to his hotel, Kathleen and I were drinking several glasses of the wine from all the partially sampled bottles and talking about our plans to collaborate on a book about wine and American cuisine I made a seemingly innocent remark that Kathleen starting laughing at. I mean really laughing hard.
I had said “Sometimes you have to think outside the box”, meaning to try something new in the wine/food business.
Between laughs Kathleen was able to blurt out,
“You mean outside the Pussy” in obvious reference to my current sexual state.
We laughed until we hurt. We couldn’t stop thinking about what we had said. Two drunk old friends laughing about something so personal only we knew the real meaning, the private double entendre that we both knew about.
So now, like so many other things I’ve learned from Kathleen, I have a new mantra when asked about my sexuality,
“Think outside the BOX”
Jan
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The Pandering of Transexuals
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Posted:Mar 14, 2019 10:35 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2019 10:14 pm
4369 Views
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I’m growing tried of hearing of Hollywood types and Politicians that come out after they make some statement about “inclusion” and Proclaim they also support the Transgendered Community as an afterthought.
This came to light again following International Women's Day when some mundane actress who had spoken to a group of Women Activists announced the next day that she also welcomes her “Transgendered Sisters” to the cause.
Give me a break!
She didn’t include Transgendered Women in her initial comments but the next day she was willing to let us in the Sorority. Yeah, yeah it’s OK, you can join our exclusive club.
Just another big mouth that wants to appear tolerant AFTER being reminded that it’s important to be Politically correct.
Speaking for me and some of my “Transgendered Sisters”, we are just fine without your meaningless invitation. We don’t want group acknowledgment. We want to be acknowledged individually for our character not what’s between our legs.
Best estimate I have is that in the US, Transgendered people are less than 1% of the population or about the same or less as people with Red Hair. Not a large number.
So what does Hollywood and Politicians do? They include Transexuals in the wider LGBT grouping which is about 4.5% of America. A larger group that can maybe be influenced to watch their movies, buy their music or give them a vote. All because they acknowledge our presence.
Well, in my opinion, we don’t want their sympathy. Those of us who have let the world know we are different from most of you have inner strength that comes from living through Homophobic ignorance. You can’t fool us by just saying you identify with us or that you feel our pain.
I don’t think we want Acceptance just based upon our sexuality.
Sexual preference is such a small part of a person’s total being. So many other life choices are much more important.
We want Acceptance for our individual character. We want to be judged based on our true and total worth as a Human Being.
Jan
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Transgendered Athletes
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Posted:Mar 6, 2019 10:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2019 9:11 am
4120 Views
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Recent news story from Connecticut of two High School sprinters who “identify” as Females that won 1st and 2nd in the “Girls” 100 Meter caught my attention for a couple or reasons.
First, I admire any person who Proclaims to be Transgendered. It’s a very bold and difficult decision often filled with immense complexities. This is not a decision made easily at any age but certainly even more so as a .
But, I have questions about the equality of competing athletically by someone or someones who at this stage is described only as “identifies” as Female but still has the physical attributes of a Male.
“Identifies” is really just a state of mind and does not indicate that any actual physical changes have taken place. I don’t know all the details of this specific case and if these two individuals have started any Hormone Replacement Therapy or not.
Cisgender Males typically have a much higher level of Testosterone which is the primary hormone in the development of muscle mass and thus strength. Not just arm strength but also leg strength.
Cisgender Females have a higher level of Estrogen which does not produce muscle mass. A bigger ass in a Female is not the result of muscle but of fatty tissue.
Hormone Replacement reverses these two characteristics. As the suppression of Testosterone occurs, Estrogen can be increased and reaches a higher level thus creating physical changes.
Without changes to the levels of these two Hormones, a person retains the physical characteristics they were born with. So, to “identify” is the same as when a cisgender male wants to use the Ladies Room or likes wearing Panties. Nothing has changed other than the mental satisfaction.
This is where Connecticut gets it wrong. They allow an individual to compete as “The gender a person identifies as being”. The is no medical or scientific measurement or standard.
Connecticut, and several other states also, loosened the athletic competition rules to accommodate anyone who simple “identifies” to be able to jump from one category to another without any qualification other than a simple Say So.
This is what truly sets back planned and purposeful Transitioning. It gives unknowing people a wrong image of those who have emotionally struggled through their life time and finally have taken the long held desire for Gender Transition.
I suggest a simple Blood Test for those who “Identify” as Female. The Blood Test can measure their Hormonal Levels. When the Hormonal Levels of someone who “Identify” as different from their birth gender reach those of the Cisgendered of that gender and the same age group, we will balance the competition.
So, until then in athletic completion, “Boys will be Boys and Girls will be Girls”.
Jan
BTW, I ran Track in HS and College as a Male. I didn’t begin my Transition until my late 20’s. I still run for exercise occasionally and realize my physical changes have affected the way I run.
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Words that now Bother Me
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Posted:Feb 23, 2019 12:26 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2019 1:08 am
3957 Views
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I know that in today’s world and especially on these Meeting Sites, people speak in code and used short little terms we all are familiar with. It just makes communications and verbalization faster and easier on the internet. BUT, there are some words I just don’t like and regret every time I use or hear them.
For example;
SUB- I understand it means either to be sub-domainate (yielding to anything instructed to do) or prefer the bottom position during love making. It’s just not a Term I appreciate being applied to me. I just don’t want to be a SUB anything. I want to be considered a EQUAL.
TOP - When this term is used for taking the Dominate position during Intercourse it just so misleading. I assume when being asked this, the inquirer is really asking if I would get behind a man and penetrate his ass with my penis. Yes, TOP is brief and somewhat to the point but why not ask if I would like to make love to them. If you TOP some guy aren’t you making him the SUB? Again, why can’t we be EQUALS in Love Making.
I don’t want to be in charge during sex. I want to be a PARTNER.
SWITCH - Not a real bad term but isn’t that what we all do most the time during SEX? I mean the words SUB and TOP take on a Full Time role meaning to me. Whereas SWITCH is the real GIVE and TAKE that is normally part of LOVE MAKING. Someone who is a self described SWITCH just seems normal to me. Nothing special.
PLAYER or PLAYERS - Anyone who calls themselves a PLAYER is just not serious about whats involved here. SEX or MAKING LOVE is not PLAY. We have fun watching people play a game but the people in the game are SERIOUS. I’m just against anyone who wants to PLAY at SEX. Sharing your body with another person is not PLAY. I wish people would not demean PASSION by calling it PLAY.
Bi-CURIOUS - OK, I get it that some people have thoughts about having SEX with someone who is different from their everyday persona or gender but if you are truly CURIOUS, do something to resolve your curiosity. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to be CURIOUS. I would prefer that someone tell me straight out what they desire instead of saying they are just CURIOUS. When I’m CURIOUS, I have to satisfy my CURIOSITY. If you see something on a menu that make you CURIOUS, you try it. CURIOSITY gone, you like it or you don’t. Same with life and sex.
TRANNY - Yes, i use this word a lot when talking to others but I only do it as a attempt to talk in a language they understand. TRANS anything means going from one place or point to another plane or point. I arrived at the place and point in life where I plan to be the rest of my life so I am no longer a TRANS anything. I am Janice Janes, no longer TRANS this or that. Please thing of me as being in the ARRIVAL Lounge. Journey complete.
Just wanted get this off my Hormone Enhanced chest.
Jan
PS - I really should take some of these words out of my own Profile.
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This Week Cocks
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Posted:Feb 22, 2019 12:50 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2019 9:10 pm
3983 Views
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I wish to Thank Everyone I interacted with this week that included a Cock Picture. I appreciate being contacted by a Man with a Cock Picture. I honestly love them.
When I say Interacted, I mean it may have been:
1. They sent me a message
2. Commented on a Picture or Video of mine
3. We chat on IM
4. We Exchanged pictures
These Cocks are so lovely and each in it’s own way. I wish I had time to meet them all personally. I wish there was more time.
Only in one case did I actually meet one of these guys this week. Can you guess which one?
Jan
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What the FUCK
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Posted:Feb 20, 2019 1:20 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2019 1:48 pm
3535 Views
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This Blog Post does contain references to the crude term FUCK and Fucking so stop now if that offends you.
I received a somewhat blistering message from some guy attempting to tell me that Anal Sex wasn’t “fucking” (his words) at all.
In his mind, FUCKING can only happen when a MAN inserts his PENIS into a FEMALE vagina. That and only that way is FUCKING. All others types of sex are just not Sexual Intercourse.
This was such a strict definition of “Fucking” I was amazed anyone could still have this view.
Starting with the actual definition in any Dictionary that includes FUCK in their vocabulary, it will say Especially or Typically that “when a penis is inserted in a vagina often resulting in an orgasm” Sexual Intercourse occurs BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO A PENIS AND VAGINA EXCLUSIVELY.
I have male friends that FUCK and have Orgasms all the time without a Vagina in the area. A penis was inserted some place but it wasn’t a Vagina. Sexual Intercourse occurred as soon as a penis entered another body in any way.
It’s the same way as when a PENIS enters another body ANALLY. Sexual Intercourse is happening but (no pun here) without a Female Vagina involved.
Let’s face it, a PENIS does’t case where if enters someone. It could be in someone’s mouth, someone’s ass, someone’s ear (I think), armpit or nose. It can Orgasm anywhere. It doesn’t need a Female Vagina!
I don’t mean to discredit or demean the Female Vagina. Some of my best friends have them and that’s fine with me. My only point is that the Female Vagina is not necessarily the exclusive home for a hard cock. A hard cock has no eyes or brain. It’s like a virus. It can attack anyone and is always evolving to resist being prevented from invading a body.
I’m afraid the guy who wrote me has confused PREGNANCY, which does require a MALE PENIS a FEMALE VAGINA and an ORGASM, with SEXUAL INTERCOURSE which does not require all of the above.
I hope everyone has a good FUCK however you desire.
Jan
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Face Value?
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Posted:Feb 1, 2019 10:17 am
Last Updated:Feb 19, 2019 9:22 am
3831 Views
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Late last night I had chatted with a couple guys on here that were both funny and honest.
Like most conversations they started with a few pleasantries but soon turned to the real purpose of the chat, a possible hook up for sex. I probably bore a lot of men on here by asking them too many questions about exactly what they are looking for. I think it very normal to want to know what a potential sexual partner is really desiring beyond just agreeing to the old line “Hey I want to Fuck you”.
These conversations last night were not that dissimilar from hundreds of other first contacts on here but again they indicate what attracts men. One guy said he wants to suck my boobs and the other said he would love to lick my ass. Quite normal responses.
I realized that neither guy had probably looked at my face or cared what I looked like beyond my Tits and Ass so I question each about what actually attracted them to me or any other Female.
Nice breasts or nice ass was the answer. The adjective “Nice” probably could be translated to BIG.
When I asked about general appearance it was “Yeah, yeah, that too” somewhat as an after thought or secondary requirement for sex.
I don’t get upset very often but this did bother me and I’m sure it would most Females.
We send so much time and expense to look good and then be told in so many words we might as well put a bag over our head and get a Boob Job.
I looked around this site this morning and I did notice a large , the majority I’m sure, of Profile Pictures on here just show a woman’s body or a singular asset, like her big Tits or Big Round Ass or maybe just her vagina. Very few face pictures.
Some of these are surly to allow the woman to remain anonymous. That’s understandable. But it seems to me that in most cases Women seem to have forsaken a Lovely Face for a picture of some other body part as a way to attract interest.
The question is, have women given in to men’s fascination with Tits, for example, OR have women caused this in order to de-emphasize the need for a pretty face.
It seems in terms of sexual preferences, a pleasing facial appearance is now secondary to other bodily regions which BTW need much less grooming or care. Women do not need to carefully apply make up to their tits to make them more noticeable. Just unbutton a few top buttons. That works every time.
I’m not sure what value or regard a well developed mind gets on here. Very little in my opinion.
I want to end this with a compliment to the Transsexuals of the world. We still believe in the concept of the Total Package. We tend to labor hardest on having an attractive face to compliment whatever other asset we may have. To us, it starts with a Pretty Face and we are happy to show it..
We spend hours to get the perfect look and then we have to carefully removed it at night and pamper our face with lotions or creams to protect our faces from the potential damage that make up that is left on too long may cause. Our faces require round the clock care and attention.
I wish more men noticed what’s above our shoulders and less about whats below our waists.
Jan
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Clarity
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Posted:Jan 26, 2019 9:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2019 1:00 pm
3674 Views
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Like so many great ideas, this one was borne from a wine bottle late one night.
Maybe a better description of Transsexuals is needed and maybe I’ve hit on a better way. I got the idea from a car commercial on TV expounding on their Crossover SUV.
We, that are Transsexuals, are often confused with others in the Trans community. Some Trans people are Part Time and occasionally go out in public while some are very private only dressing for a few hours when their situation allows.
To clarify these different models I propose the following definitions;
Crossover MTF - Having attractive styling and features but only intended for light, off street use.
Crossover FTM - More rugged, built for heavy duty work.
Crossover PTO(Part Time Only) - Quickly converted for recreational purposes and easily returned to original configuration.
That ought to clear things up.
Jan
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The Confusing “T”
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Posted:Jan 12, 2019 9:57 am
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2019 11:38 am
3995 Views
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I just want to spend a few minutes on something that might help improve this Site. It has to do with the letter “T” that appears next to your Age following you Screen Name on here. For example mine is
“JaniceJanes 43/T”
So, Janice Janes is my name, that’s correct.
I’m 43 years old which is also correct, unfortunately.
But then there is a “T”.
This could mean several things which I believe creates confusion when people glance at this brief description next to the Profile Picture.
“T” could stand for Transvestite AKA Crossdresser.
“T” could mean Transgender.
“T” it could be as is used as in the Porn Industry Tranny or Trannie.
Or, “T” could be for Transsexual.
All of these possibilities actually are quite different and respectively appeal to only some of the people searching this site for possible matches.
A TV or CD may just want another TV/CD to dress with in private.
Transsexuals are almost always TV/CDs looking to meet up with the opposite sex. Again, almost always in private.
Transgender means someone who completely identifies as being different from their birth gender and has assumed a new sexual identity. Therefore they are searching for members of the opposite sex who accepts them for being different.
It seems to me, that to clear up the confusion, new identity choices should be available for use in a person’s Profile. It should be easy.
Wouldn’t this make more sense when creating a Profile? I suggest three new designations:
CD or TS or TG.
This way a CD that wants a dressing partner won’t waste their time contacting a TG who probably isn’t interested. A TS could distinguish between CD and a TG for clear choices.
Just my idea formed over coffee this morning while reading messages from men offering me their virgin ass.
BTW, I’m not looking for a man’s ass. With my now very small penis that doesn’t get erect, I doubt I could fulfill your desires.
Jan
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To link to this blog (JaniceJanes) use [blog JaniceJanes] in your messages.
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