Welcome
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Posted:Dec 28, 2014 7:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2017 6:01 am
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Welcome to my blog. If you have something to say, say it here 
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Hello
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Posted:Feb 6, 2021 4:08 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 11:29 pm
2614 Views
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Hello 👋
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SENIOR DRIVING 2
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Posted:Mar 14, 2015 7:21 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2017 6:03 am
15420 Views
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
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IRISH SAUSAGES
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Posted:Mar 14, 2015 7:14 am
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2015 5:54 am
15406 Views
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Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!”
Murphy replied, “Don't worry - just follow me.”
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said “Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!”
Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!”
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said “Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!”
Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.”
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Paddy
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Posted:Mar 14, 2015 7:12 am
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2015 7:19 am
15384 Views
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Paddy,his wife and their 7 were waiting for a bus when they were joined by a blind man. When the bus arrived,it was almost full and the conductor said that only 8 could board."Ok Theresa," Paddy said to his wife,"You take the on board and me and the blind man will walk."
Without giving the blind man an option in the matter,Paddy helped his family scramble aboard and the bus took off.He and the blind man then set off walking down the road,and all went well until the constant tap..tap..tap.of the blind man's cane began to irritate Paddy.
"Tap-tap-tap that damned tapping is driving me crazy,can't you put a bit of rubber on the end of it?"he complained irritably.
The blind man was quick to respond"If you had've put a bit of rubber on your own stick,we would have been on that blooming bus!"
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The Pope and The Rabbi
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Posted:Mar 14, 2015 7:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 11:29 pm
15348 Views
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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.
However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other :
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy!
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent
the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.'
'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.'
'Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.'
'He bested me at every move and I could not continue!'
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.
'I don't have a clue!!!' the Rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.'
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here.'
And then what?' asked a woman.
Who knows...' said the Rabbi. 'He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!'
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Sneezing!
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Posted:Feb 8, 2015 6:00 am
Last Updated:Mar 14, 2015 7:00 am
16462 Views
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
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CATHOLIC HORSES
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Posted:Feb 8, 2015 5:58 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 11:29 pm
16346 Views
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A bookie was at the races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt.
He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that - a long shot - won the race.
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track.
Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the .
Again, even though it was another long shot, the won the race.
He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which the Priest would bless next.
He bet big on it, and it won.
As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning.
The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the
Priest's blessing that would tell him which to bet on ...
True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1.
This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn't even finish the race.
In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.
Confonting him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won.
Then in the last race, the you blessed never even had a chance.
Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'.
The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.
"You are not Catholic are you my ?"
"No, I'm Jewish"
"That's the problem", said the Priest,
"you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites".
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